I feel as if I have a million things to type at once!!!! I'll start off with last night.

Jer was being an unbelievable @#$%!!!! as usual, laughing at how untouchable he is, how the parents don't do anything. Fucked up part is it's totally true; I told them I was going to call the cops on him cos he was here and they told me not to. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM??? DO THEY HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL HE STEALS EVERYTHING FROM THE HOUSE AND SETS THE FUCKING PLACE ON FIRE????? I couldn't take it anymore so I told them, fuck it all. I'm looking for a cheap place still so if anyone knows of a really cheap place in or around BP do tell. This house is not my home anymore. I'm not safe here.

I took a walk last night to cool down. It was a strange walk; guys were everywhere it seemed, giving me the right of way, whistling at me, some guy hung out of a car and said, 'Hey baby, how you doing?' LOL I don't know how to react to this type of stuff. And it's weird that this always happens when I'm seriously thinking about someone.

Speaking of which, Saul called me with the same old drama with his gal friend that's jealous of me (Jazz) and, in my already aggravated mind set, told him to put up or shut up. Meaning either he has to do what he says he will about his friend so there's no more drama between all of us (even though SHE'S the one starting it all) or I'll have to make a decision for him. I cannot think to be with someone who has no backbone or does not follow through with what he says he will. If he didn't matter to me I wouldn't care but he does so I need to know if he's really the person he says he is. I'm always having to exclude myself from people or lessen my presence for the better of some type of relationship and I HATE it. I always end up loosing. Don't get me wrong, I really like Saul...he's been there for me and I see him in such a beautiful way and the more and more he reveals himself to me the more beautiful he's become but I want to bare all of his sides just as I have so I know what I have and he knows what he has.

I walked to Circle K and got an energy drink and soda for Kevin cos we planned to hang out last night. I got to his house and waited 20 minutes for him to open the door; turns out he forgot his phone in the car and didn't hear my calls LOL but when he remembered his phone he found me outside. We had a good laugh about it. We talked about this and that, made fun of the people we both like, baked muffins at 12 in the morning LOL, watched Ninja Scroll (kick-ass movie!), listened to Korn which was really fucking awesome! I hadn't listened to Korn in a long time! We also listened to Eminem and Ozzy Osborne. We stood up totally late talking and talking and having a blast. He has a new attitude about life right now and it's been too long since I've seen him this laid back and relaxed about life and I love seeing him like this as opposed to the one that's been occupying him for so long. I hope he stays for a while. Seemingly out of the blue he said he likes it when I'm around. I like when I'm around him, too. I feel it's because we're both so comfortable around each other that we can just be ourselves 100% and I love that. Hopefully things get better for both of us. I just know that I had one of the most relaxing and carefree nights ever last night and I really needed that.

I had french toast sticks from Burger King this morning. :) YUM! Saul and I talked briefly, we have much to discuss later I'm sure. I still want him to come to my family's party tomorrow. Today was another round of guys looking at me. It's the weirdest fucking feeling to know I have eyes on me and when I catch them, it's something I'm not used to. I planned on buying something to get buzzed on and dying my hair dark auburn today but I don't have enough developer to dye it in a subtle manner so I'm going to wait until I know 100% what I want to do. I'm thinking all black with dark auburn and maybe platinum streaks. Hmmm...And for all you LJ nerds out there (myself included) I'm going to be revamping my icons today. YAY! I had a list of the new ones but I totally fucking lost it right after I made it. I've been so fucking ditzy lately. But stay tuned. :p

Well, I'm going to get busy on my icons now. Right after I get a drink. :) muahhaha.

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it's funny that happened while this song was playing...