Friday morning at 12am was good, I went to Matt's casa to bring him delishious shrimp fettuccine and hang out. We watched Lethal Weapon 4, had a good laugh with some Mickey Mouse gloves and a light up Sorcerer Mickey Hat.

When I got home, it was strange, I got a phone call from someone and took everything out of context, yelled when they didn't deserve it. I went from happy to shaking with anger, to crying and crying, all in a 10 minute span just about and I knew something was wrong with me. I've been struggling with something that happened months ago that I still haven't fully come to terms with and it's hurting me to hear from the person involved because I thought it was over, I thought it would get better in time, I wanted it to be so but I'm not and it's not and I'm so tired of hiding how I feel about it. I cried cos I was angry that I couldn't talk about it, I cried that I felt totally alone in this, I cried because I felt no one understood what it was like, I cried because the one person I wanted to hold me isn't here, I cried because the one person that I knew kinda understood I couldn't be around because I know I would do something stupid, I cried cos I was weak and there wasn't anything I could do about it, I was so helpless and I was so frustrated and I was tired of hiding how I feel and how I am because I was trying to help someone else when in the end there was nothing to help cos they didn't need me. I was not well that night. I was not well at all.

I woke up Friday morning not wanting to wake up yet. I'd fallen asleep around 4am. I woke up at 10:30am to make it to the 12pm Stations of the Cross at church. I'd never been to one before and I'd been interested in going for a few years. It was a wonderful ceremony, I'm falling more in love with the tradition and the rituals of the church. It's where I feel I belong. I'm getting to know the nuns that come to the services. =) I came home, went on the net, then went to church again for confession but there wasn't any that day. I came back home, back on the net, then picked up my mom to come to the solemn liturgy service to kiss the cross. I'd never been to that type of service, it was delightful. After a soup, salad, and half a samich meal at Norm's, mom and I went home and I knocked out early around 11:30pm. I didn't go to Universal City Walk, which was good cos I wasn't supposed to go out on Good Friday anyway. My guy friend Squee wants to meet up sometime next week or the week after. Don't know how to feel about that since he said he'd pay for everything but he said it's to make up for not giving me a gift for my birthday. Okee

This morning, mom, dad and I took Squeaky Toy and Eddie to get blessed! I put Squeaky Toy in a red bow to make him look pretty and to get a grasp on him so he didn't run away! hehe! It was cool to see all the animals! After that, mom and I went to the post office (I got a surprise check from unemployment, YAY!!), and to the mall to get her hair cut, she got layers and bangs, OMGosh, she looks adorable!!!! I totally totally totally dig it so much!!! She looks so cuuuute! We shopped some, and I got a stroke of genius: they sell peacock feather hair extensions at Hot Topic for $9.99+tax. I figure if I just buy black hair extensions and buy my own peacock feathers, I can make them for WAY cheaper! And lo and behold I found black hair extensions on sale for $3 at HT and found a bag of peacock feathers for $3! Creativity is awesome! I got some new hair dye, too, I need to do the green and black over again. I'm thinking of dying it...brown...in the future...O.O And I kind of want to get a short bob haircut but I like my hair long. :)

I also figured out a neat outfit to put together for jury duty, too. :) Business casual is up to my interpretation. *rubs hands devilishly* Mr. K told me I can prolly get out of it cos of Saul's situation and the fact that I know a lawyer (Mr. K) so we'll see if that happens.

After a restless nap, mom and I went to church for Easter Vigil mass. It was long, 2 1/2 hours long! But there is something undeniable about seeing the church in the dark of night all lit up in candles. Truly beautiful. There were many baptisms and I teared up when the priest was anointing them and giving them their saint names, I was like, wow, I'm going to be there someday, I'm going to baptize my little ones with my man by my side, I'll be so proud. :) I saw my Nino, Mr. Varela, too. :)

After mass, we went home. I wanted dad to bring home pastrami lol, but he didn't. I feel gross that I ate some pizza, ech, my taste for fast food is fast fleeting.

HUZZAH, 'TIS EASTER!!! And this Lenten season has been the best for me. It's the first time I did virtually everything that was asked of me to do and I feel awesome. It had been life-changing, I can honestly say, I do not have the same mindset at all that I started with, it's astounding. I found out things about me that were great and awesome, also not so great and things that I want to change. I'm not as strong as I thought I was, which is disappointing...but the most encouraging thing is that I'm not as weak as I used to be and that I love about myself because it shows improvement, persistence and that I haven't been as susceptible to back sliding than I was before, it feels good to feel that inner strength.

I can drink, smoke, drink soda and eat after 8pm now, I want a ciggy more than anything. I really want to do my best not to over-do it when I drink, and the soda thing is whatever. I'm super looking forward to tomorrow, Easter mass, visiting my Sauli and going to the Silversun Pickups concert. I'll be in my white dress, black cardigan and black boots. I was going to dye my hair tonight but it will take way too long and I kind of need help. But I'll do what I can. I can't wait to see my babe. I can't wait to celebrate Mass. I am super stoked for the concert. And I'm actually looking forward to jury duty! It'll give me time to respond to Saul's letters and look around the city.

Tomorrow, and for the rest of my life, I want to resolve to being good. I want to be better and stronger than I was and am. I have so much to do. I am a woman on a mission. I can't say I'll succeed at every turn or make all the right moves or know what I should do at every dilemma, but I have the knowledge and the motivation to do all that I aspire to do and wherever I end up in this life I know I'll have God all around me to pick me up when I fall, I'll have my family to support and love me, I'll have my friends to encourage and advise me, and I'll have the love of the man that waited so long to find and have me for the rest of my life to build a family with and be with me every day of my life. I've worked so hard for everything and I want to keep working to gain more and keep what I have. I can't help but look toward the future. I'm very happy with the work in progress and the work progressed. Let's see what the future will have in store for all of us.

Happy Easter, one and all. *hugs*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Body piercing saved my life