I dreamed I was in my house, but instead of it being split level going down into the den/my mom's room, it was a two-story going up dramatically. The house's roof looked like it was at a steep angle going up because of how dramatic the two levels where. I was in a hallway, then went around a different way to get to my parent's room when I found a completely different room that I'd never seen before that I had no idea existed! It was furnished with old wood furniture, small, had a window and a bed. I was talking to someone in the room I didn't recognize nor see when I spoke to him. I kept thinking how the bed obstructed a headboard with storage on the bottom and how Saul could sleep her, he could live in this room maybe but I'd have to use the secret stairs to get to him.

Then all of a sudden, I'm at a mall that looked like Ontario Mills and I was pushing a baby carriage. Then I was at home. The baby was light skinned, blond hair, blue eyes, a girl dressed in a flower print dress. My living room was set up to take care of the baby. She was on a diaper changing table and her father or a doctor was looking at her eyes with a flashlight to check her pupils. Then she turned white, paper white with red eyes that looked like contacts were put on. I was startled and said, "Is she an albino?" but not too loud cos I didn't want her parents to throw her away and the doctor looked at me and smiled. He had an old school doctor's outfit on.

Next I was putting the baby to sleep by laying on the couch and holding her until she slept, then put her in a crib next to the cat who was sleeping on a high-rise chair. The cat was easy to knock out but the baby kept crawling out next to the cat. So I put the baby in a cat bed next to another high-rise chair and she slept and looked so very peaceful and I felt strange that I cared so much about her even though I shouldn't have had to if the person who brought her should have.

I went into my brother's room where I'm not supposed to be cos I saw Le Tigre in there. I started asking him, "Are you that baby's father?" cos the baby was at least 2 years old and the math didn't add up for certain things to have happened between us and I was angry, both if he was the father or if he was taking someone's child. He said, "I am if you make me one" and I didn't understand what he meant and took it as if I said it enough, he was her father. He stood up and grabbed a bunch of my entries from my blogs, some with pictures of mine on there, and said, "I would have saved a picture, but you took them down. If I really wanted one, I would have saved it." I think he meant a picture of my baby, and I was angry that he was blaming me and confused because he had a picture of one of my blogs but with a baby sonogram on it as the main picture, something I never had up or posted or as a default.

He was then laying on a bed and I lay next to him, broken spirit, vulnerable and crying, and hugged his waist, hating the way I felt because I felt so helpless at every turn and I'd never get anywhere talking to him. I started saying saying, "Is she?..." and he said, "She's a composite of all my favorite people," and for some reason it clicked in my head he could have been the father but her mother is a single mother who Le Tigre was dating. Some music came on from a TV show came on, then I heard the baby cry, then a thud. I got up and said, "I hear the baby," and was surprised he didn't hear her but since the music was loud I figured my maternal instinct kicked it. I ran in time to see the baby fall off the high rise, then quickly crawl away into the kitchen and down into the den. My parents where in the room and I said, "Has anyone seen a baby?" and my mom said, "We didn't know you wanted one," like they'd given it away or something. I saw two dogs, one was white and fluffy, the other was brown and looked bumpy like he was a piece of fried chicken or something, it was so grotesque.

MEANING:
Albino: Merging of competing emotions. Lacking full understanding of oneself. The positive aspect of a bad situation.

Cat: To see a cat in your dream, symbolizes an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power. It also represents misfortune and bad luck. The cat could indicate that someone is being deceitful or treacherous toward you. If the cat is aggressive, then it suggests that you are having problems with the feminine aspect of yourself. The dream may be a metaphor for "cattiness" or someone who is "catty" and malicious.

Baby: As an object in dreams, a baby or child represents something that requires great care and attention. The meaning can change depending on whether it is your original responsibility or one that has been passed off on you by someone else. These dreams may also have wish-fulfilment content for women who are in their childbearing years.

Dog: For a woman, seeing a dog in her dream is mostly associated with her love partner. If she is trying to pick out a dog or a puppy, it means that she is too picky with the opposite sex. Seeing an injured or confined dog in the dream is a sign that you should pay more attention to yourself and your health, or get out of a situation where you are being hurt. In cases, when a dog is threatening you, it suggests that someone or some situation is bothersome and it make you feel vulnerable.

Secret Rooms: Usually a house represents the overall personality of the dreamer with the rooms representing various aspects of it.

Or the rooms could represent important insights about your early life or basic psychology that have been keep down for fear or some other reason (being out of bounds, secret) but which should probably be made part of your conscious memories.

Awaking and feeling that you could actually find these rooms, or being really sad both point to how important these parts of you are whatever they may be.

(This explains a LOT actually)

SOURCES:

-When Jer was getting thrown out, mom said Saul could have his room

-My friend just had a baby

-I've been at odds with Le Tigre

-I was worried I couldn't find my cat today

-I've had trouble with the men I've dated or wanted to date in the past

-My emotions have just been terrible, up and down, happy to angry to helpless to despair to fine again

In all honesty, I know exactly what this dream reflects, it's just really really painful and I need to do away with people and things that aren't functioning or try to make myself stronger to deal with the things that will come back that I have no control over.

Good morning.

xoxo, mErci