I went to Chelly's party, it was alright. I got to talk to a lot of people. Jaime got to chat with us and joke around. He did make a very valid point about music the other day and it came back and presented itself today; the DJ at Chelly's party kept playing rap and it was all about shaking your butt and sex and cursing and whatnot. He was also knocking on Marilyn Manson. :p He has a right to, but then again, what are the chances that he actually sat through at least one of MM's albums? ::shrugs shoulders::

I got to learn a lot about the people I don't usually see out of a church setting. I think I may have said some things that may have offending or shocked some people. I don't think I'll ever find out. I just feel like everything I did today was hollow and without any meaning. If the things I said where actually valid, or if the points I made where taken. I can't shake this feeling of nothingness.

The weird thing today was that Chris Ortega came up to me early in the party and asked, "Why red?" and he was referring to my hair color. I didn't know what to say. I just told him, "I don't know. I like it." Later on, he said that I should let my natural hair color grow out. Then before I left, he was checking out my mesh hooded sweater and was just like, "This does nothing, it's just for show!" I don't know what to make of this. I don't know if I should make anything out of it, but it just puzzled me.

I feel badly about how I used to treat Chris, before I really knew him and before I had a chance to sort things out in my own messed-up head. When he graduated, I was totally immature and (I hate to say it, but it's true) slutty. He left for a year and came back around Chrismas time my junior year of high school. I saw him at the very first lock-in and when I went up to him to say hello to him, he did not recognize me. He said that I grew up in the time that he left. It was true, but I still had a lot to grow. I still do. I don't know if I should just let this go or if I should apologize to him. *sigh* I have to think about it.

I did hang out with my Jackie a majority of the time. And with Mindy. I really like these gals. I also saw David D. (he doesn't like being called "Pinky" anymore) and I feel like I said something to offend him, too, though I know not what it is. I'm not trying to be drama. It's just the way I feel.

I wear too much make-up. And I lost my corsets I was kind of bidding on on Ebay. :'( *tear* But on the major plus side...

Squee! I smile!

And I'm thinking about changing my background. I don't know to what, though, but when I find some I like, I'll post them. :D

And the song I'm listening to is very special to me because I collect a lot of things and one of those things are heart-shaped boxes. I've got about twelve or so so far. Some of them are vintage, some of them aren't. But the point is they're heart-shaped. The heart is important to me. (Speaking of the heart, "The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things" comes out late this summer! It's the new movie with Marilyn Manson and Winona Ryder. For more info, click the pic of Manson.)

<----yes, this is Manson-WITHOUT HIS MAKE-UP!

http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258