Text! :) My hands feel tingly. cortizone shots soon. I'm typing cuz I don't feel like dealing with a long upload today.

Plus I'm re-bleaching and re-dying my hair so I don't look too lovely >.<

I'll keep this short. And by my definition of short, you will know it's not really so. :( Awe...

I don't like drama that has nothing to do with me. I don't trust anyone anymore as much as I used to, which is good because I had way too much trust in people as it was. Now, I have nothing in me that wants to trust anyone with the exception of the few core people in my life who've never burned me and never will. Too much bullshit has happened recently for me to continue certain destructive friendships the way they've been carried on, I've been too giving of myself. So to those friends I say goodbye to the way I was and indroduce the "want me find me" attitude. I'm not comming around anymore and if you want me, come seek me.

I'm also in no mood to see sought after in a romantic way. I realized this today in a weird way. I saw James this morning, he gave me his empowering hugs. I was very late because I forgot my badge and had to make a new one. When I left for comp shop, I saw him lingering in the aisles. I don't want to think he was waiting for me although he did walk me almost all the way to my car. I think he hints at me things places he'd like to go, maybe with me. I could have asked him out today, and I want to go out with him and get to know him more, but something's always prevented me from doing so unless he's the one to bring it up as an option like the first time we went out. (and I don't consider that a date; that was just going out nothing more) Mostly I'm afraid of ruining him and anyone else who comes too close to me.

And I realized I don't want anything in those terms as of right now. I don't want to get too close to someone and hurt them again. I thought I did a good job keeping a good head on my shoulders in my last relationship but I still have so much work to do within myself for myself. I don't understand how someone could want to see me like this right now and I don't see the need or want for a boyfriend. Yes, in the future, I'm sure I'll want those kinds of things again, but now, no.

And if someone special does come around, I most definetly want a lot of time to get to know them and for them to get to know me. I'm tired of this 'modern love' approach to things, gimme old-fashioned goodness with a twist if you please. :p I'll be happy to go out with someone, so long as they respect my boundries and don't push the envelope on those boundries and trust, if they do, it's mace in the eyes!!! (don't believe me? ask around) Either way, All I need are my awesome friends, mi familia and of course Jesus Christ.

Other than that, I love you all and I hope you're all doing well.

Tattoo expo on the 22nd, I'll be there, will you?

Might get a tattoo...I'm still playing around with some designs

Please don't tell my mom!!! :p

The bleach is seeping into my brain now so I'll go rise off. :)

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He who is like Christ shall have my heart forever