Updates:
-school: I havn't been to class in 2 weeks. I'm going to drop my class, I'm not sure when, but I am. I have too much crap on my plate and I don't need to be somewhere I don't belong.
-health: "Good news, Merci! We found out why you've really been sick these past three months! You have nothing seriously wrong with your kidneys and we've just been scaring the crap out of you for the past three months because we didn't cover all our bases! Bad news, Merci! You have an STD from when you were raped four years ago! It's been laying dormant in your system all this time and it's stood in your body for so long now undetected it could quite possibly kill you at this point! Silly us! It's already affected your mental health as well as your central nervouse system! Well, we'll just give you some strong anti-biotics now that, by the way, hurt like a mother f*cker when injected into your skin! Oh, you might be allergic to this type of medication, though! Well, let's hope for the best!"
-Love: Me and Perrin don't really talk anymore. He had the nerve to take me to an empty park and demand things from me. Big no-no in the book of merci. Me and Vidal are back together because when we were apart, I felt like my right arm was missing; I felt incomplete. And I can't believe how unbelievably concerned and understanding he's been throughout all of this medical crap. He went with me to the doctor today. He's going through all of this for me; he loves me. He could have left a long time ago, but he didn't.
I'm sad though, because he broke a promise to me; he showed up at my house drunk Thursday morning at 12:30 and he was raving mad about dying under a bridge and never comming back. I ripped his shirt and hurt my leg trying to reason with him for three hours in the cold to come with me inside my house. Mom helped me and he slept on my couch. I woke up next to him this morning...I've never felt so complete and in love before. Vidal is practically living with me now, which is a good thing because I can take care of him and he can take care of me. He does go to his house most nights, though, and that's my sleepy time. Sweet, sweet, sleep...
-Family: Dad needs an operation to get THAT STICK OUT OF HIS ASS!!! He's been horrible to my mom. He still is sweet and joking around with me, though. :) Mom is my rock. She's totally cool with doing everything that we have to right now. Jordan is awesome except I get mad when he calls his girlfriend mean things. Little Brother...um...er...he's pure evil. Mexican Grandma is going to have an operation on her eyes to fix 'em up good. :)
-Spiritual: don't even ask. I havn't been to church in a while, but I do go to Wednesday night prayer groups. (except for this past one; Sorry, Mela!) I pray and I try to do good. I'm not in trouble spiritually, but I can stand to do a whole lot more good. First stop: confession. I don't know when, but it will happen. I love my friends at church and I love the church, and I love God, that hasn't changed.
-In general: I'm pissed about my newfound illness, that it wasn't my kidneys at all and that I went through all *that* pain for nothing. I also feel like I was raped all over again because this "guy" used me, like he would use his hands to scratch an itch, and then left me with this disease. It hurts so much and it makes me feel ashamed and upset and vulnerable all over again. Shit. Although my illness is curable, whatever damage was done is NOT treatable. So I'm left with permanent central nerve/mental damage. Basically, I'm never going to be the same person that I was again because of someone else's...barbaric intuition. I'm so glad to have Vidal. I love him so much. I know I can depend on him.

But right now, besides everything that's been going on...I really am happy to be here. I know I'm going to get through this. I'll be alright.
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Don't try to fix me I'm not broken...Suddenly I know I'm not breathing, hello, I'm alright, all that's left of yesterday