Sometimes I wish I never fell in love so hard

I wish I never found something good in him
because it turns out that he's not the same person all the time

I wish he never lied to me
I wish I never hurt him at all

I wish I can forget what today was

I wish I can forget all the good times

But it's not that hard because what's he's done to me now is slowly erasing all those good times
The reckless, contradicting personality he has now is making me second guess whether or not anything he told me was real

Sometimes life seems so hopeless because I don't have that person anymore and I don't feel loved like that.

Then I tell myself, "Bitch, you're the one who evaluated your life through someone elses. You know better." ANd I know I miss that security of someone always loving me, not the actual person.

Sometimes I think I'm too ugly or fat to get someone new.

But I know I've been uglier and fatter in the past and I got a lot of people just fine. Because I have a beautiful but damaged inside. And that's just fine because I'm healing it instead of letting it cut me down more. :)

I just wish I didn't give my whole self to someone.
I'd never done that before. Never. I'd never shared and shed so many of my defenses for someone. Now I wish I hadn't, but at the same time I know I couldn't be who I am today without going through that pain and that descent.

I'm still trying to pick myself up.
But it's alright because I know where this is going to lead to.

He may not have been my true love, but he did a fine job making me believe that he would love me forever no matter what.
I guess "forever" doesn't mean forever sometimes.
But I wouldn't have been happy with him forever.
He hated some of the things I loved.
NOW HE DOES THEM.

I'm going to wait for the one who says forever and means forever.

Who knows me inside and out and loves me for who I am and accepts me for my faults.

For the one that will need me and love me forever.

And means "forever".

I'll be waiting for you...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
don't let me have anything inisde anymore, you'll just take it away again