Yeah, so I talked to Tonzy all day today about, again, his girlfriend. I tell him my unbias opinion, no matter how much it hurts me. I'm trying to not let my feelings for him get in the way of any sound advice I may have to give him. I love him. I'm not selfish. I'm trying to humble myself.

We went to the Olive Garden today, and I stuffed myself full of really great tasting food! It was sooo good! :p And the waiter guy there was TOTALLY F*CKING HOTTTT! OMGoodness, he was [underline]fine[/underline]!!! Hehe!

I made another banner for the new forum I talk on from this: to this: because I'm running into the same problems with the other forum again.

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[RANT]I'm thinking I should talk to Tonzy because my love for him is forever and even my mom thinks that we should get together. (Then again, my mom's always sorta wrong about this stuff) He's always told me that night we hooked up on was a horrible night, then about six or seven months ago, he told me that he was glad it happened. Then he told me today that he felt aweful again because he wanted to experience himself with his girlfriend. (Crying)F*cking hell! Come on, guy, make up your f*cking mind!!! I feel like shit as it is about the whole thing. I wish he could love me the way that I love him. I wish that his kisses and his touches were ment for me alone. I want to be that special someone that he calls and tells "I love you" in that way, the one that he sees something special in...I want his heart to skip a beat around me, like my heart does with him. I want him to be super exited when I call, and spend time with because I'm his and he's mine. I want to be that girl. But I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be...and I have to learn to accept that, just like I had to accept that RRLR and I will never be again, or that Luminous isn't the same Luminous that I feel so hard for. I have to fight those feelings I have. Because as long as he doesn't have them...they don't exist. He said that if he can't feel it or see it, it's not real. I can't show him my real love. It doesn't exist. I am a terrific friend, though. But nothing more. Nothing more...[/RANT]

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(Begining to dry my tears)

On the extreame plus side though, I met this wonderful man online. I posted an add on the personals on another forum site, and he responded. He added me to his AIM, and we had been talking for a while, but he was kind of shy. I don't usually dig shy, but lately I have been. So I talked with him last night, and he broke out of his shell a lot and I had the best chat with him than I had ever had with anyone else. He is so shy, loving, emotional, gental...he's so perfect. I've been texting him ever since then. He's so perfect. His name is John and I love him. We were talking on cam today, and he looks so fine, and he said I looked cute, too. This is what I looked like when I talked to him (without the whole posing thing):

He thinks that I'm cute. :D I totally am falling head over heels in love with this guy. He's so loving, so affectionate. I'm going to meet him during the summer, I don't care how or when. He's kinda chubby from what I can tell, older, and (major plus) he's CATHOLIC!!!!! OMGoodness, and he had a thing for goth chicks. I love him so much. I love him, I truly do. I love you, Jonh!!! He's my papi and I'm his baby. ::sigh:: I havn't been this happy in a very long time. Really, I havn't. This is what I need right now. I need him. I love him.

Tomorrow is an Edge meeting. Kinda stressing it, but trying not to.

Also, I called Torrid to see what's up and the manager told me that I passed the phone interview, so there's a strong possibility there. I hope to God I get it. I really do. . .

Oh, and I finally won that dress I wanted from e-bay! Yay! :D I would show a pic, but I'd rather it be a surprise...hehe...

http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258