Being up after little sleep, driving in the dark of 5am with blanketing fog for 10 miles with mominlaw and broinlaw in the car, finding out not being able to drive up hill faster than 40 mph in said fog, watching the world's colour turn on after a night of bright and plentiful stars

Getting to the prison in 3 hours knowing I'll have the same trek to make in 6 hours, getting into the check in right away, sitting to see him...seeing him...looking handsome as ever...he still catches my eye as if the first time I saw him that morning...

he is worth driving all night for, I get to touch him in return <3
I get to kiss him, I get to hold his hands, I'm allowed the priviledge of his face being close to mine

Talking with him and his family, holding his hand feeling closer to him than I have been, watching that smile and hearing that laugh...looking at those eyes and feeling his stare looking through me like no one else has been able to do, those big brown eyes of his, that scent he gives off, how he kisses, how his hugs feel

Him looking at me in the eyes, whispering how I look as beautiful as the day he first set eyes on me (I hope I look a little better...hehe...), telling me I'm beautiful, telling him he's handsome as ever, reminded of things he hates, getting past the anger, telling me things I'd forgotten, about dressing up and coming inside our comfort zones with ease, nights spent together in the dark and silence of the cover of unusual shelter, him knowing the slightest little details about our short time spent together, the same as I do <3

Him telling me, "I love you, Mercades Victoria Amador", me telling him, "I love you, Saul Amador..." His eyes meeting mine and locking, his voice asking me, "Will you marry me?" out of nowhere and from the heart. My "Of course I will" reply as my face turns red. His bittersweet "I can't even propose to you properly because I'm in here" statement, my answer still the same. It was a sweet sudden heartfelt question that I gave my shocked-but-swift-to-answer reply <3

Playing chess and having him win! Playing Chutes and Ladders with him, his brother, and myself. Such a primary game, so fun at the same time. His whispers in my ear, my smiles and coy looks back. I miss him, he misses me. I love him, he loves me. I still don't know how he chose me...how was I the one he knew he wanted to be with since our first so to speak date? Why did he wait for me for so long no matter how much time past, how did he have this want to be with me after so many months...I guess he just knew, he just knew he had to be with me. And I knew when I opened my eyes I had to be with him, too. He's terribly attractive, handsome and charming, a bit geeky and silly at times but it all makes him out to be the one I fell for, the one I love, the he who I've been waiting for and will wait for, the man who is everything that I wanted the man in my life to be.

He always surprises me, overwhelms me, with his love, devotion, and care. He gets me and remembers things about us, little tiny things that some may brush off, but he holds these things so close to his heart that how could he forget? I never knew someone could be this way and want to be this way, just for me, knowing I don't have to second-guess his intentions or his loyalty. His plans, his goals, his want for my own plans and goals to grow, he's amazing.

I'm honored to be the one he chose to be with, that he chose me to want to care for his heart. I feel privileged to be the keeper of his love and heart. I am a good woman and a stronger person for knowing him, for myself, for ourselves. I feel undeserving at times, but then he feels the same way about me. We share so many similarities to relate to, so many differences to learn to see points of view from, so many things make us one and I'm so blessed to know that his thoughts are of seeing me again, being together again, calling my room his Favourite Room, I don't know what to say.

I love him, I don't want to be without him. I will not leave him, how could I? It would be as if I could tear out a chamber of my heart. My goals, my plans, my thoughts and prayers-his goals, his plans, his thoughts and prayers...we're together no matter what or where we are. I'm so happy he fought so hard for me, so joyous a good man with so much love to give gives his love to me. We'll have time to pass, we'll have trips to make, we'll have things to settle.

No matter what trek needs to be made, how many hours of waiting, or how much money it costs to do these things, he has me and he knows I do for him what he does for me, even in the little doses he can only do where he is falsely imprisoned.

Everything.

I really wish I could make these trips regularly, I miss him as soon as we're gone from each other's sight. I want to hold him and talk to him as I used to, but that will be our reward once this all fades away. My love is imprisoned but he'll be set free some day and I'll be there for him. I love him and his love is overwhelming.