I'd been keeping an eye on the weather report 24/7 since Wednesday so I could find out if I could drive to see Saul in the jail or if I couldn't because it was snowing again. Thankfully, no snow! For some reason, my parents wanted to come with me to visit Saul, even though they knew it was going to be a long wait for us. But I really liked that my dad drove, it saved me on gas and I got to look around the desert. It was raining off and on and the clouds where kind of hanging around enough to see them all wispy and just hanging out, like I could touch them. My MP3 player was acting up but I fixed it for the time being until it acts up again I guess.

It was freezing at the jail, but it didn't matter cos I got to see my babe. We had a good visit, save from a remark that he blurted out that hurt me but I understood where it came from and it only hurt because I knew where it was coming from and he was right. He said he felt awful because he saw me crying but I told him not to worry about it. I heard him say he loves me, and when he says it, it really touches me. I always feel like I'm this impractical thing he's had to put up with but he insists on drudging me around so I go. I'm proud of myself because I usually run away from the guys that I hurt instead of staying and being held accountable for what I'd done but I feel a change in me now that let's me know this is what I have to and want to do.I also discussed going to confession soon and I'm thinking of giving up drinking for lent. That would be a good one for me.

Mom and dad could tell things weren't all rosy but I didn't say anything about it. About 10 minutes into the car ride home I heard my phone go off that I'd missed a call and I grabbed it to see who it was when my phone rang again. It was Saul; he wanted to make sure I was alright because he still felt badly about what he'd said. I told him it was fine, but that I couldn't really talk. I heard the message he left me and it was sweet and I know he was sincere in his apology.

Mom, dad and I stopped by Wendy's to eat. The cashier gal and I were chit-chatting about hair dye. ;p We ate but I noticed my mom got really quiet afterward. I keep insisting she go to the doctor to check her diabetes. We went to the mall so I can redeem a coupon that I had at Torrid but mom stayed in the car cos she was tired. I got a few things but I'm going to return some things. I wanted some board shorts but they didn't have anymore. :( When we got back in the car, mom was still quiet and she was upset about something. She hung up on my bro for some reason on the phone and when we came home she ran to her room and closed the door. I'm planning on taking her out tomorrow to see what's the matter but usually when she's depressed like this she comes home and sleeps all night until the next day. *sigh*

When I came home I finally had a change to talk to Saul and we sorted things out. I felt bad for him because he was so worried that I hated him or was mad at him that he was hyperventilating. The bad side effect of us both being such worriers. I was really hurt, and on the way home I was thinking all kinds of stupid things, getting down on myself and just feeling worthless but I gave myself time to think and I told him that I understood why he snapped and that I don't hate him at all. We're fine now, it's just hard with him in his head all the time thinking things and being secluded and myself barely getting out of my harsh depression I was in for about a month and a half, it's been difficult for us both but with the new lawyer, prelims coming soon and our open lines of communication getting better use, hopefully everything will be getting better and we'll get some resolve. I miss him a lot, and I'm prepared (as much as humanly possible) for the worst. Mr. K caught up with me and made sure I was alright. He suggested the book Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate by Brad Warner. I'm going to look it up at Barnes & Noble tomorrow hopefully, maybe I can kidnap Tonzy to come with.

So I decided to watch the Grammy's in their entirety tonight cos I wanted to see all the different genres and performances. Here are my opinions (as if they matter):

-Chris Brown was being looked for by the cops for felony battery, Chris Brown was arrested, Chris Brown may have beat up his girlfriend, blah blah blah, that's all I heard in the commercial breaks. Another celebrity gone nuts. If he did it, shame on him, if he didn't, damn.
-I really didn't like the dress Jennifer Hudson was wearing when she accepted her award. Her speech was so touching, sweet, and heartfelt. The dress she performed in was stellar, she has a nice shape and she belted out that sound excellently.
-Coldplay really did recycle those outfits from Sgt. Pepper's!!! But I was kinda disjointed that Kanye West didn't flip out or anything when they wont he award he was also nominated for. :p tee-hee!
-I was really wowed by Kerry Underwood's performance! I liked the song she sang, it was so sassy and totally cute!
-Adele is so pretty, I loved her outfit and she sings really uniquely. I can't get over how cute she is, and she's a curvy chick! w00t!!!
-Katy Perry is adorkable, but she can't really sing worth a damn live, she's definitely more of a performer, but even then...maybe she was nervous, IDK, but I still have major luv for her.
-The Jonas Bros. with Stevie Wonder...where do I begin to say how incredibly mis-matched THAT was? These kids don't live up to the hype, they looked like a gawky suburbia band trying to perform/compete with Stevie Wonder!!!!
-Travis Barker still looks so thin... :(
-I have an affection for Taylor Swift, she's like a pure little lamb and I love her singing voice, it's like she's not even trying, like she's just singing in front of her mirror in her bedroom. She did a duet with Miley Cyrus, who sounded like a nasally hack compared to the smooth-singing Taylor. I don't hate on Hannah Montana or anything, just that with the two singing together you could hear the difference and see the different way they composed themselves onstage.
-I like Kid Rock but I can't stand that new song he's got out that's basically Sweet Home Alabama with new words. Me no likey. No likey.
-Thom York is built kinda on the tiny side, isn't he? He's awesome, though! Watching him dancing around with the USC band, that was energizing!
-Jaime Foxx with a tribute to the four tops, I liked that. :)
-WOAH, did you see what MIA was wearing? (or not wearing?) I knew she's come out with something edgy, wow, that did the trick! Her little body suit with the baby belly was incredible I liked her performance with the four lads around her, it was very enjoyable and different.
-I *loved* the performance with Robert Plant and Alison Krauss! I cannot express how much I absolutely *loved* that performance!!!! I dug the music, the lyrics, the way they sang, the corset she was wearing, uh!!!! 'Twas superb!!! Imma go buy the album now!!!

I think there were a lot of TV/Movie stars this year presenting, or maybe it's been that long since I sat down to watch one of these things? Meh. Zooey Deschanel is always an eye-pleaser. :S

Tomorrow dad and I are going to run around: market, lunch, doctor's appointment. We're going to see what else is on the agenda. I need to start up on my exercise/eating right regimen again tomorrow, I've gained enough weight to make me feel unhappy and my face is a festering mess right now. >.< All will be well again soon, mind, body, and spirit. I'm still faithful and very determined to stay on track with all my goals. :) I hope to treat myself better and become better than I am and was.

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muffin cthulhu