This month (so far), today's afteroon simply was certainly the most enjoyable.
I won't forget our lunch
Or the echos in his room
and how I banged my shin on the bed frame (-again-)
or how he looks when he's on top of me
dominating and passionate
how he feels when he's behind me
when he's ravaging into me like an animal
or how he told me he loves me
and that he cares about me very much
how he tells me he'll do almost anything for me
and I believe him because he seems incapable of telling me anything otherwise
because I know he believes in his heart that he loves me
he wants me
how I can look into his eyes
and feel like he's looking back at everything he's ever wanted
what an incredibly handsome face I see, so pure and full of hope
when he tries to distract me from getting dressed ^.^ everytime
when we danced...how hot he looks without a shirt <3
(or clothes in general...;p heheh)
how he dances, OMG...swear, I love to dance with him
I could watch him move all day
in and out of bed ::chills::
listening to music
got into the music
how I didn't want to leave
I just wanted him to hold me
I just wanted to loose control
surrender into his arms, just be his doll
how it's been a long time since I've felt this way
analyzing *why* I feel this way
it's because he's a clean slate
-never been in love like this
-never had anyone like this
-never had anyone to compare me to
-never been hurt
-never wanted to know about the other because he wanted to know ME
I dont' know why it's so hard for me to accept
or why I over-complicate things...
when he lays next to me, how he makes me feel like I'm the only girl that exists to him
he makes me feel care free, for whatever time I'm with him, the outside world doesn't exist
it's just me and him
just his room, his bed, his music
I'm into him, he's definetly into me...oh me, oh my
he treats me so kind
he's such a dork 8D
there's so much he doesn't know, so much that I don't think he understands
but I was like him once
throwing reckless abandoned for the sake of love
I think I'm too knowledgable for my own good
I think I'm too tainted of these things for my own good
My edification is my teacher but ultimently also my ball and chain
One day soon I hope to take him away from everything and we'll disappear into eachother for a few nights
We'll have everything we need, the two of us, our music and our bed
What's holding me back is that I can't turn my back on what's still in my heart
My gaurdian, my keeper, the one who ruined me, the one who severed my spirit and tore my heart apart chamber by chamber, the one who dismembered me, left me for dead but knew I would live, left me for others but came back to me, left me to grow so that I also may grow and learn, my one and first true love, the one who's name was written on my heart, the one I loved before I appreciated him fully and knew what love was...
who is also the one who is aloof, who is hard to understand, who I one day want to keep for my own and bear children and a home with. The one who would strip me to my bare bones if he ever did leave me again, for another or for the One, who sent him. Why doesn't he expose himself to me? Why can't he expose his inner workings to me, tell me his plan, tell me if I have a place in it? I need a room to move on to, whether it be his or another. I have work to do but I still want an explination. I love him, maybe without warrent or deserving, but he loves me too, though it takes a twist of the arm to say it. Profound. Slip. Of the. Words.
But there is something unexplainable about this afternoon, something profound, something loving, something indescribable and beautiful. Something's catching on fire, the beauty amazes me and frightens me. I'm going to have to make a choice one day, comfront this once and for all. One will have it all, the other will melt down to his core. I have to stop that before it happens!
Uhh...gone are the days of simplistic idiocy. It's better this way, though.
How I wish I were a better woman at these times.
I've opened pandora's box.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
come on over, and do the twist
ahhhh haaaaa
over do it, and have a fit
ahhhh haaaaa
love you so much, it makes me sick
ahhhhh haaaa
come on over, and do the twist
ahhhhh haaaa

Beat me outta me, (beat it, beat it)(x8)

Come on over, and do the twist
ahhhh haaaa
over do it, and have a fit
ahhhh haaaa
Love you so much, it makes me sick
ahhhh haaaa
come on over, and shoot the shit
ahhhh haaaa

beat me outta me, (beat it, beat it)(x8)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHH

She keeps it pumpin' straight to my heart (x8)