So Mike came over to the house in the dead of night. Talked about Elizabeth a lot. Go figure. I told him what I'd been up to. He talked about the military a lot. I told him not to go back because of all the shit he'd already been through. Got emotional, I was there for him. I'll always be his friend, but he can only be mine when he feels like it. He kissed me, told me it might be one of the last times he could because of the way I'm dating now and whatever. Again, it was like the old Mike came by to be nice to me. BUT...when he left, he said, "I'm still not going to call you, cuz I want you to heal." I chalk that up to "I'm not going to call you because I'm busy working on someone else and I want to let you down easy." That's OK, I'm already moving on.

He left late, around 5 AM. I went to work late, around 10 AM. It was a short day at work, but a long one because it's so slow, but I got to train a new associate and talk to Denise about what's been going on. She's got my back cuz she knows...she just knows what kind of person Liz is and gave me her insite about the situation. Denise is awesome, she offered to hook me up with someone. LOL The stupid situation is all fucked up and I'm glad to be putting this shit behind me because the Mike I knew is gone to me, he doesn't exist. The same shit happened with Henry. Fuck. When Mike opens his eyes, it'll already be too late.

I had a dream about Steve. Everytime I hear the new Red Hot Chilli Peppers I used to think about Mike, but now I think about waking up next to Steve last Friday while Stadium Arcadium was playing full of blast and how a bit buzzed I still was. And it makes me feel good. :) I've been wanting to hang out with him a lot more because I realized more and more he's a great friend, which I've always known, but moreso now that we need eachother to talk to and vent. I'd be over there right now if I wern't so sleep deprived. Plus my presentation for class is tomorrow. I have to take off all my bracelets!!! NOOOOO!!!!

I talked to Tako last night. It was a sweet conversation about where we are, were we're going, how things are, what certain things said ment. I like him so much and I miss him like crazy every day. I changed my phone's background to the pic that we took on New Years and it makes me so happy to see that pic. :) I like were we are right now, getting to know eachother and whatnot. He said that he doesn't want to move too fast because you miss the little important things when you do and I totally agree with him. I'm so lucky to have found someone that is level-headed and protective. <3 I don't know where this is going, and I don't know where this may lead (if anywhere). All I know is that he makes me happy, even to think about him, when we were laying in bed and he kissed my hand and hugged me and held me. It makes me feel warm again.

Fuck all that immature, two-faced, split personality bullshit and squash the drama is what i say. I'm ready to stop waiting for the symbolism and want the realism. I want someone live in the flesh, for all the are, who they are ALL THE TIME, not just when I'm around or when someone else is there or just in private. That's little kid shit. I'm ready for a real person. I'm ready to be real. I want to be loved. I want to love back.

This is the real thing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
step into the light, my friend
cast your shadow far behind you
and never look back