I found out yesterday that Mike might become a CSM. Meaning, he'll be my manager. Meaning he's in the front all the time helping everyone and I have to see him and deal with him and answer to him and ask him for help come the times arise. No, I can't do that. I cannot do that. It's bad enough that I don't want to see him at work, but to have him as a manager, I cannot do that, I can't, I just can't. HE doesn't fucking care about me anymore and I've been wanting an answer as to why he said he'd be there for me then changed his phone number and now he might be my MANAGER???? OMG, I can't do that, my anxiety is horrible and bad enough as it is, I can't sleep without waking up feeling horrible and drained and I feel like my life has been temporarily fucked up because of this "man" that decided to act like everyone else when he said that he was like no one else. It's bad enough having him as a co-worker, but a manager? fuck that.

I'm already looking into other jobs, I don't want to quit WalMart before I get another job. I made that mistake in the past, I don't want to do it again. I'm putting in for office jobs and such and hopefully I get one soon, within the next three months or so. I can always go to my school to find a job, too. They have job placement assistance and resume builder help.

Also, in the family, my brother decided that it would be a great idea to rob my mother and father's safe and steal a bunch of money and jewelery. So he's been kicked out of the house officially, the locks are being changed and he's not comming back until he goes through rehab. That really really sucks that my brother's addiction to getting high has come to this, that he has such little regaurd for the house he sleeps in and the people that provide it that he's done this. Look, I'm not one to talk, I did something really stupid like that at his age, but not because I was a fiend. He's going down the same road that my uncle went down, except Jer hasn't gone to jail yet. *sigh* It makes me sad and pissed off at what he's doing, but he's always ALWAYS been very selfish and apathetic so what can we do?

And my mom's van finally kinda died. The gears snapped (and the gears wern't perfect to begin with) so now the car's undrivable. Hooray. Dad and the guy that sleeps in a trailer outside of our house are fixing it right now. Times like this I'm VERY glad I have a car. One of the nicer things Mike did for me before he turned.

Well, I went to Steve's yesterday, drank a bunch and came home around 7am, and slept until 2 so I'd best get ready for work, mentally and physically. ::sigh:: I havn't seen Mike since last Sunday so today there's a 99.9% chance I'm gonna see him today because I'm closing. Fuck. I want an answer so bad, but I don't want to see him at the same time. I'd best let this go, but I've been trying all week and I can't. FUCK! I want him out of my life and out of my thoughts. I want him out!!!!!

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not you, them...