I went to my cousin's today to support her and her Mary Kay franchise. I might get into the scheme. It's only $25 a year for an internet sight that sells Mary Kay crapolla. Good times. I actually found a foundation that covers my imperfections well.

On the way there, my mom was driving my dad's truck and since she's not used to the brakes working right when you tap them, she was driving kinda jerky. I was tired, so I slept. I dreamt that Ash and I were at his college and he was telling me, "Come on, mErch, let's go! We have to move!" and I knew that he wasn't supposed to be there and I was very worried about him leaving my sight, but I couldn't remember why. I was chasing him and laughing and he was laughing, too. He was running really fast and I lost him. And then this sound of tires screeching and a really horrible crashing sound came. I knew it was comming, though. The last thing I remember about the dream was Ash saying, "mErch!" and shaking my shoulders. When I woke up, I was in the car and felt really sad.

I finally gave Mr. Vidal his Hellsing DVDs. He liked them very much. I hung out at his house for a while. I tried to talk to him about how I felt, but I felt so void from emotion I couldn't express myself to him. We watched the first few episodes and then he went to a party. His sister was nice enough to give me a ride home.

I wish I didn't wake up. I wish I could have seen more of him. I miss him so much. I miss him more than I could have ever imagined missing someone. I want to hug him from behind and trap his arms in mine so he can't move. I want to feel his hair on my face again. I want to walk around the mall with him again and ride around in his car and make fun of his seat covers. (they had nail polish and bleach on them, I don't know why) I want to go to sleep and not wake up until he comes in and tells me that he's alright. I want to talk to him again, just to tell him that I love him one more time and joke with him like I used to and have that silent, but reaffirming recolection of the affection and love we both had for eachother. He used to give me this damn sexy look as he would graze his fingers against my hand. He did it to tease me because he knew that I thought he was cute. It was all in fun. Who else is going to do that with me/to me/for me? He was my go-to-guy. He was my guy and now he's not.

I guess every Saturday for a long time is going to be this hard for me. -*sigh*-....