I talked to my friend Ernie today and he is such a good friend to me. He's always offering to talk to me and gives me rides. I usually get the people I admire mixed up for the people that I have crushes on, and I'm certainly confused on this.

I saw my mysterious guy, Carlos (remember, the guy I met in December who is absolutely beautiful in every way) today, he gave me a really long hug in church today. During the offering of peace, he hugged me for a long time and told me he wanted to keep hugging me for the rest of mass. (He was close to the air conditioner.) Still, I havn't felt that loved in a long time. I also talked to Pedro aka Fishsticks (cuz he's straight up and down, like a fishstick) and he always makes me feel God's presence and makes me feel motivated to do more with my life.

My church friends make me feel at home. I felt this over-whelming feeling of belonging and comfort and peace today at church. I couldn't explain it. It was wonderful. I felt...happy. It didn't matter what I was wearing or if I had my make-up on or if I was fat or ugly. It just mattered that I was there to worship and love and be loved. It was wonderful.

We had another women's prayer time after the Life Night and it went really well. Jaime C. didn't come again, and I really should have called him, but I know if I do then I will just dwell on it and become depressed. I hate that all these wonderful people come in and out of my life, but I guess that's how things happen. :'(

Other than that, I'm still trying to save up money for my proceedure. It's $5500 dollars, and I've got $10.00 saved so far. I'm doing my best though. I'm doing my best.

I've been so stressed and i can't seem to get over how imperfect I am on the outside, but at the same time I know how beautiful I can be on the inside . I'm trying my damnedest to be what I am which is uniquely me, so I can get a better life for myself. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to try.

http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258