I feel like today was the day that I finally stopped to figure out what's wrong with me. I've been feeling horribly fatigued lately and my back pains came back earlier this week. My head just totally swam today with something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

This day was just so weird. Saul and I went to Walmart and the coat I had my eye on was finally in my size but I have to return or exchange the plaid one I bought from Torrid first. I found the receipt at home so I was happy. :) Saul told me the way to the La Puente Hacienda adult school so I can enroll in the first aid and CPR certificate class that I need for the instructional aid position for the school district. $50 *grumble grumble* but oh well. We hung at his house for a bit, then at mine.

I knocked out as soon as I came home for an hour and a half. I just totally knocked the hell out. I've felt so bad because I've been so sick lately and so tired, all I seem to do is sleep around Saul but he told me he knew since we met that I was sick quite often and he accepted that. I dropped him off to take the bus at school after I picked up mom. Mom and I talked during dinner and it's then that I kind of realized I hadn't hung out with anyone for a while or taken time for myself (still). I've been wicked busy with the ebay stuff, getting myself ready for the proficiency exam and the requirements, trying to give what I can to Saul. WHen I got home, my friend Jason made plans with me to go out next week and that's when I really saw I hadn't seen some of my friends in a while really knew that I needed to talk to Saul.

I went to his house and told him that I just feel so tired and that I need help and I'm not getting any. It's the oldest story; I always give my all to whoever I'm interested in and care about and it drains me before I know it. And I told him that I feel like he wants parts of me that I'm not ready to give (relationship-wise) and I felt horrible telling him this because I'm always slowing things down between us but he assured me that it was okay. He also said that he kind of felt like we were going a bit fast and we've been pretty intensive and that he doesn't want me to be stressed or feel rushed or pressured because of him. Don't get me wrong; I love the guy, he makes me happy and I love the time we spend together, but I feel like I haven't had time to breathe. I still don't even think with things slowed down that I will have time for myself because people have been needing me a lot lately but I'm going to try to figure out what I want. I don't want to loose him but if he can't stay I understand. So far he's been understanding and he's so patient and kind.

Busy, busy....tomorrow, proficiency exam from 9am to 3pm, Saturday, take Kevin to his test then hang with mom to get her hair cute, Sunday Saul and I are supposed to go be extras in a Nickleback music video I'm pretty sure we can still do it, Tuesday and Thursday I have my CPR/First Aid classes, Friday hang with Jason. I'm very much looking forward to everything I have to do because I know everything that I'm doing is to help me or for fun, nothing horribly stressful. It's a surprise I'm so busy.

this is for you, babe.

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