-My interview at Macy's was more like a casual conversation. They said my hair and piercings are okay, step one out of the way har har. Schedule looks like it's from 6pm-12am or 1am, and I'll be a floater; wherever they need me, I'll be there. I get to dress up! :) and they said Sundays off is alright, too, I'll just have to work every Saturday, which is fine. I start in December, which is great cos I want to help my mom with Thanksgiving dinner.

-went to see Saul. I wore my lil' nose stud with a lil' heart on it <3 He said I looked "Wow" in his words LOL that I looked pretty. :) He says he's going crazy in there, that he misses me and he teared up a bit when he said that. He had to stop talking twice cos he got all choked up. I miss him too and it us both good to see one another. I love him so much, it drives me crazy that I can't just pick up the phone and call him when I want or drive over a few minutes to see him anymore. He's trying to stay optimistic about why he's there and trying not to focus on how long it will take. And also said that he hasn't got my letters yet. *sigh* His fingertips again the glass were as close as I could get to him, I can't wait for him to touch me again.

While I was there, a little toddler baby kept coming up to my hip and hitting me and smiling. He was such a cutie, I wanted to take him home!!!! <3 Saul laughed when he saw the baby come up to me and do it again!

-Kevin called me a few times, my phone was in and out cos of the hills. We're gonna hang out tomorrow at his lunch. He came by yesterday for his lunch, too. I like being able to do something for him. :) Tomorrow is simmered chicken, red potatoes, and angel hair pasta with Alfredo sauce. :)

-I came home completely wiped out, I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's the not being able to sleep soundly, the heat, the horrible air quality cos of the fires, low blood sugar (which gave me the excuse to stop by Wendy's :p) or the situation at a whole but when I came home, I just collapsed on my bed and didn't move for a while. I couldn't; my body was too weak. I let Jer use my internet and he was like SMOKE A BOWL, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER! I don't know what's worse, my bro when he's high or my bro when he's hyper. >.< After a while of not being able to sleep again, even though I was very tired, I got up and put the pork chops in the oven for my family. I'm not eating tonight. I want to go walking tonight though I don't think I'll be able to do the 5 laps like we started last night. I think I can only do 3 right now but I'll try to do all of them.

*sigh*
right now, talking to some friends online, out of my jeans and eating an apple, I feel a lot better but there's something weighing me down inside, I don't know what it is. Depression's too obvious of an answer, maybe I'm just heart sick and burdened with money woes. Argh.

And I'm going to make it my goal to buy some point shoes (ballerina slippers) so I can walk on tip toe. Just to freak people out at parties or for my own amusement. I'd get some fetish ones but I need to learn how to do the 'training wheel' version first. :p

That is all. I'm exhausted but getting better. I pray I can sleep, I don't want to have to resort to taking my pills to sleep, though mum has already graciously made her trizadone available to me...oh sweet sleeping pills, do you love me as much as I love thee? <3

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, no!
I don't wanna be this...

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real