I felt restless and tired as hell last night. I hung out with Kevin and we talked and talked. We've been doing that lately and I like it a lot. Sometimes I feel like he resents me or that I'm a burden to him. It's something I feel with everyone I suppose. *sigh* We're still there for each other and I see him differently than I did a year ago but I'm glad we know each other so very well now.

It started off with me dressing myself for a very long doctor appointment. I won't go into details but there's stuff wrong with me. After the initial fuzzy headedness wore off, I went to Big Lots to put my application in, they're not hiring near me and where they are hiring is too far of a drive for me. I picked up my CPR and first aid card, called Mr. Varela (my Nino) for a letter of recommendation, got gas, VOTED (w00t! history in the making! for those who don't know, I love patriotism be it 4th of July, elections, Veterans and Labor day, etc.) ate lunch (I made an AWESOME fucking sandwich), looked for jobs online, looked for a contingency lawyer and talked to Saul's dad. He thanked me very much for everything I'm doing for him and his son.

I got a call from Saul. He was freaking out bad, but I told him I would see him tomorrow. He told me when he sees me it's going to be water works. I know I'm going to be majorly emotional but my mom told me to be strong for the both of us. Jer (of all people) tells me to relax cos he's locked up in the nicer jails LOL and that he'll be okay. I have a huge amount of faith right now that this will take a long time but it will be resolved and justice will be done. I'll wait for that day and relish every moment of it. And thank you to those who've expressed their concern and sympathy, keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Jer and I went to a Starbucks in El Monte to get our supplies to pass out flyers and post up signs near polling places. I got a free small coffee that I DESPERATELY needed for showing my I Voted sticker. :) There were about 10 of us in the group. I stood outside for 4 hours with my hand full of flyers that no one really took, I just kept getting dirty looks and my back was hurting from standing outside for 4 hours in the cold. Argh. But it gave me a LOT of time to think, to dream, to hope, to pray. I even came up with a few lines for a poem I'm going to finish later. :) After I picked up Jer and we went back to the place, we picked up our cash ($45) and the guy said he might be able to hook us both up with campaigning jobs that start off at $9/hr. I couldn't help but think of Jared. LOL

I used that money to get some gas and put money on my credit card to buy more minutes to talk to Saul. After eating, talking with the parents, shoving the cat off my plate and watching Obama win the presidential race, I went to my room and got a call from my babe, and maybe it was because I've been praying so incredibly hard, or that he's just surrendered himself to the situation but he said he felt a lot more calmer and better (and sounded like it too!) about everything. I have so much faith that everything's going to be alright later, not now, but later. I can't wait to see him tomorrow, to look at those eyes and see him in front of me in the flesh.

I'm very tired and I'm in desperate need of my pain pills...PAIN PILLS!!!! I may not get to see Saul tomorrow because he might get transferred again but even if he does get transferred and I don't see him that'll be alright because that means he's closer to getting arraigned and hopefully getting an OR (where he comes home if he promises to show up for court). Everything's going to work out now, I hope. Everything's going to be fine...I know it's going to be a really hard trip to Okay Land :p but I'm willing to knock down everything to get there. I'll do my best. I'm doing my best.

Tomorrow's a big day, more job hunting and I get to see my love, through glass possibly, but I'll see him. <3

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sweet revelation...sweet surrendering...