I've read the posts on the geekculture.com website, and most of the people were pissed, and some of the people were sad to see me leave. If I was the way I was, hmm...about, say, half a year or two ago, then I would have been cutting at my arms right about now. I read what they had to say and it's all true, I have to say. (Except for some really nasty things some new people had to say) Well, at least I have my own space to rant and piss about. No one but God can judge me, so I had better start to change quickly.

A lot of people said that it takes character to stay, but I'm a person of weak character right now, so I'm just going to leave. There's no point in trying to re-sign up because I'm the kind of poster who posts wierd shit all the time and doesn't make any sense so there is no point in trying to cover up the real me. The real me is attention-seeking, manipulative (but not for material things), concerned and caring, love-struck and dramatic, bull-shit and genuine, contradicting and thinks outside of the box. I won't change for anyone but myself and God and so I need to change as quickly as possible.

So many good things were said, like "Life has enough drama" and that some people may get wise to me in the future. I believe it! I know it! This has been a really great learning experience for me to say the least. *sigh* The drama thing hits hard right now.

Melindy and I shared an awesome night last night, she dyed my hair and we watched TV and ate junk food and talked about everything under the sun. Today she called me and she was crying because of her dad being with his girlfriend (and her mother hasn't even been dead for a year yet) so she took 13 Tylenole asprine. She threw them up and everything, but still, I'm scared for her. I told her to go to the hospital to get checked up but her dad is being a *$@# and won't take her and she does have transportation there. I was thinking of going over there and taking her, but I know that might get her in trouble. And I said a prayer while I was with my family tonight and she called me back and told me to keep my cell phone on. :( :( :( I love her a lot because she is one of those friends who goes with you through the drama because she has drama herself. She (and Torta) were the only people to actually be proactive and look for me when I ran away in September. But now I'm with her (friend-wise) now and she's slipping away from me it seems. Even if she gets on my nerves sometimes (because I know I have to get on her nerves a lot) she is a true friend, tried and true.

I went to my cousins earlier today. Her 18th birthday was today. There were some really cute guys there, probably all my cousins with my luck. I didn't really talk to anyone. Me and Sabrina have really drifted apart. I feel really bad about that because that's how me and Karol drifted. I used to be so close to Karol, then she got new friends and we just drifted. Oh well. God's time, not mine.

I'm going to church tomorrow to sell balloons all day. I hope I get enough sleep tonight. I'm going to add a new page to my website. :D

http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258