I woke up this morning not wanting to get up. It was raining though, which I love. I put in money from Saul's mom into my account so I could put money on his books and buy myself a card. His mom is really nice, we talked some last night and she's very giving. Nothing in the mail about my unemployment but dad said to give it two weeks.

When I got home, I was feeling tired and funny. I made breakfast but still felt weird. It didn't help that I ran out of my milk and tried to drink the family's milk watered down. I shouldn't have done that, it got me sick anyway. I laid down for a while, and got a call from Saul. He broke my heart because he said, "I'll get out on Monday," and I said, "You really think so?" and he said, "Yeah, I might take a deal." and that was so upsetting to hear. I know I don't know what it's like to be in jail but I was so sad to hear he would give up when this whole time he was all about fighting to prove his innocence and showing everyone he did nothing wrong.

I thought about it all day, getting more and more upset. How could he say that, taking a deal and paying restitution on something he didn't do? Why was he giving up when he was so sure of himself? I went back and forth thinking. On one hand I knew the jail wasn't the best breeding zone for happy thoughts and he was probably in despair because of his environment and he was probably over thinking and freaking out like he usually does. On the other, his father and I didn't go into debt trying to get him a good lawyer, visiting him, talking to him, supporting him against everyone who was convinced he was guilty just to have him take a deal saying he IS guilty. I prayed about it, let it go up to God, and tried to go about my day.

After a while I tried to stop thinking and it dawned on me that I was probably dehydrated and had low blood sugar so I ate some dried cherries and drank a boatload of water and felt much better. I fell asleep after Vane` texted me that Amelindy canceled the shoot because of the adverse weather. Which was fine by me, I was lazy today. >.< When I woke up, my parents where gone and I really wanted a burger LOL When mom came home she told me we'd go out after Ghost Whisperer. I wanted to go to Burger King but went to Church's instead. :p

When I came home, I got a call from Saul, which I was glad because I wanted to tell him how I felt. But he called with news:
1) he got one of the charges dropped, leaving him with 6 and it turns out there wasn't a charge added, there was just a charge they didn't tell him about initially
2) there's someone arrested that knows where the ringleader is but he's not talking and they arrested another guy because the ringleader used his identity *sigh*
3) Juan talked to the lawyer today, they said that he's still got a really good shot at everything. So he's NOT going to take the deal! *whew!*

Saul told me that he was thinking about it and he wasn't willing to pay restitution and have something on his record saying he took a deal. He said he freaked out because it sounded so bad for him so now he feels much better and so do I. We joked around about how I was eating chicken, his friends, about what people thought of him and how his father and I would have reacted if he'd taken the deal. It's like minute by minute something new comes up, jerking us around emotionally. Grrr.

I told him that no matter what anyone says, no matter what happens that I love him and I'll stand by his side. And he said he's the luckiest guy in the world. :) <3 I love my cheeseburger. (that's my nickname for him, cheeseburger :p) We're hoping that the prelims go well and that he'll be home soon with this ugliness behind us but I'm also bracing for the worst. Mr. K gave me some really good advice and I'm going to listen to him. My irrationality gets the best of me and I'm glad to have someone like him give his perspective, it's very very helpful. Thanks, Mr. K! *hugs*

Tomorrow, church and who knows what.
Sunday, visit Saul.
Monday, prelims start, I won't be there but I will in spirit
Wednesday, orthopedic surgery consultation

There's also a show at the Roxy I want to go to on the 4th of February. The Edwardian Ball is out of the events of things I wanted to do, I have no money for a nice gown or a new corset and a ticket. Argh. I'll have more opportunities to go to nice places though, I'm sure.

I'm hoping for a fun weekend, to hang out with friends and family and pray a lot. Hope everyone is safe this weekend with the rain and all. :)

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you are a feather in my wings