About an hour or so after I got the call from Saul, Juan (Saul's dad) called me cos I guess Saul told him I was kind of freaking out on the phone. I was crying pretty bad and really sad cos of the new things unearthed today.

Juan told me that he and his wife love me very much and that they are very grateful for everything that I've done for them. They told me not to be afraid to talk to them and to have faith. He said that Sharon (Saul's mom) has a hard time telling me her feelings but that she's happy with me and that he's happy with me and glad their son is taken care of by me. I cried but tried not to cos Juan was like, "It breaks my heart to hear a woman cry!" and Sharon tried to tell me something on the phone but she couldn't really talk cos she was crying so hard. Juan got back on the phone and said, "What am I going to do? I have two women crying here!" >.< LOL I don't think it helps matters that I'm premenstrual and moody. Nope, not at all.

Juan told me to put all my faith in God and to just look out in the sky and give Him everything. And he didn't understand how I could stress myself out so young. It's true; I do stress myself out only because I work so hard to become better than I used to be and this is the best way I can show someone that I care for them, by being there for them. They told me they don't have a lot to offer but if I needed anything to ask them. I told them I don't want anything from them but to help them. It means so much that they accept me and want to help me, too. I know I have support on all sides. I know this is much harder on them, more harder on Saul, and I'm needed right now.

We're going to see Saul on Sunday hopefully, I really need to see him. It's awkward going with them to see him cos I'm not 100% free to talk to him but I'm happy that I get to talk to him at all. I hadn't been able to talk to him in almost a whole week because I have no money. So I'm glad he was able to three-way call his parents to call me. I felt a whole lot better once I went out for a brisk walk. I prayed a lot, gave up everything I was feeling to God, praying for hope and that things do get better in His time, not ours.

I think it's because I had so much faith in how confident Saul was that I was in such disbelief of how things happened today. Saul revealed that he didn't think today was going to go well but he has hope for Monday and so do his parents. I don't know what's going to happen anymore, I don't know what path this is taking but I know I want to stand by Saul and his family's side through this and see this through to the very end. I need to watch this play out. Thank you to all those who've sent encouraging words, it means a lot to me right now, so very much, so thank you. I'm so very tired.

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this isn't my favourite thing to talk about