GOOD NEWS!!!!! I'm getting DSL!!! yay for me!!! IT's comming in on the 4th. I don't know if I get that day off, hopefully I do. Tomorrow and the next day are my days off after 7 consecutive days on. I may get a new MP3 player (a 4 gig one!) that plays video!!!! Mike bought me a PS2?! MADNESS!!! :p I <3 Kingdom Hearts! I'm completely cleaning out my room again. The process is slow. I need help. Grrr. Help. Let's see...I GOT VOL. 1 OF NEUROTICALLY YOURS!!! (aka Foamy cartoons) I got these new lip glosses that have mint in them that are soooo cool! I got them in Vanilla, Black Cherry and Super Mint flavours!!! @ bed, bath, and beyond! Um...what else... Mike invited me to his college on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to hanging with him. :) And we're going to do a new photo shoot. I have a fucking killer idea...;) I GOT THE 9TH OFF!!!! I'M GOING TO PARTY @ JUAN'S!!!! YAY!!! BAD NEWS: There's a mouse in my room. :( There might be two. OMG, they make so much NOISE at night, they've kept me up for two nights straight!!! plus the noises freak the ever-loving shit out of me, and makes me panicky. Mom bought some humane traps for them to leave my room. Hopefully they work soon. I don't like sleeping on the couch anymore. My hair is thinning out sick. :( no more dye for me for a long while. I gained the weight I lost back. No more hour glass por moi. :( I can loose it again, though. I know I can. :) OK...NEWS: One of the CSMs at work is getting really friendly with me. It's freaking me out a bit. Today he gave me a big hug when he saw me. And he kind of asked me out. That was strange. Mike told me this person likes me (in that way) and that tthat person has been really mean to him lately. That makes me sad. I see Vidal everyday at work in the morning and he pretends to hit me and makes small talk with me. He seems concern about me and all, but I can't let my gaurd down. He's cool to talk to for a while, though. *thumbs up* THIS WEEKEND:This weekend was heaven and hell. I'm still trying to get over the fact that Mike told me he can't see me as a girlfriend anymore and that we're completely broken up and it's so hard trying to be so strong. I've never been that much of a strong person, though people have told me they see me as such. I didn't see it before, maybe Mike had to bring it out of me. We still do things like we used to, like go out places and sometimes hold hands. And he's at my house a lot. But I refuse to let him kiss me on the lips. Because it's too much for me to do that. I told him, "Kiss me on the lips when you have you know you can be with me again." I may wait forever for that kiss, but until then, I will wait. I like the way things are right now, I really do. I love being here for him as a friend and exploring things within myself that I hadn't really addressed before because I was pre-occupied. And I love the way Mike is still here for me. And we still talk and hang out like we did before. It's just when I realize this could all go away at any moment that makes my heart break through and spill over. But I've been doing amazingly well with my emotions. :) Yay me! I've been very strong this past week, even during Black Friday (which was really really slow, actually, no fights, no blood, boo) and into the busy weekend. It's just when Mike tells me how he can look back at the good times, it makes me feel like we're finished forever and I can't deal with that forever. I'll never be done. The door will always be open. I got hurt yesterday. Bad. I hadn't felt that hurt in a long time. What made it even better was that it was over something ligit and I didn't blow it out of proportion like I used to do the little things. I cried. Mike cried. We talked and worked things out. He told me that this was normal and that he doesn't see it as the "old me" comming back. I love that man with all my heart. I feel so lost right now because now I'm the woman he's always wanted me to be, yet he doesn't want me in that way. But at the same time, I totally understand that he needs to work on repairing the damage I've done to him and that makes me feel even worse, but at the same time calms my mind. It's just when we talk about how we're broken up that makes me crazy. It's like we're still together but will this big ominous cloud over our heads. So long as we don't talk about it, I'm fine. But we ALWAYS talk about it! We need to or else there will be no progress. Argh! *Rambling* I'm just glad Mike still loves me and cares about me. I'm glad he wants to help me. It scares the crap out of me that he can just push me out of his life and never look back. But he chooses not to. He chooses not to... I love him so fucking much... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* there's glitter in my blood...