Grandpa,

Happy birthday. I know if you were around we probably would have brought you a cake and we would have talked. You would have greeted me with, �The Vicky Vicky!� as you always did in your way. You would ask me why I have my hair the way I do, that I should grow it long and black like my mom had it. And you would wonder about my gauged earrings, that they look weird and why I ever did that to myself. And that I�m fat like my momma hehe, playfully telling me to lose weight.

You�d ask me how come I haven�t learned Spanish yet, you would have been happy I finished school and that I�m working, but encouraging me to ask my cousins for a job at Kaiser cos �that�s where the real doctors are� and we�ll joke about how, when you had your heart attack, you yelled at the doctors cos they weren�t �real Kaiser doctors�.

We�d ask about what trips you went to with grandma, what casinos you hit, what trips with the church you�re planning, what goings on with the church that�s going on. You�d be excited about the yearly carnival, asking us to go maybe. You�d tell me to put my phone down if I was texting, ask how Jerry was doing even though you know he�s up to no good!

You�d give us the gossip, give us the latest on what you were planting in your yard, I�d probably tell you how I want to get another tattoo and you�d say no cos that�d make me look ugly. You�d ask about my boyfriend and you�d probably tell me to get a new one because you want me to date someone better and better and no one is good enough for me.

We�d talk about Michael Jackson�s trial because you don�t like Michael Jackson and you�d probably make comments about it, grandma would scold you and we�d laugh and you�d laugh.

I�d probably offer everyone water, grandma would offer us fruit. We�d stay and talk until your novelas came on, then we�d watch them for a while before we left. Then we�d end up talking more outside cos it�s always hot in the house. You�d probably start watering and then we�d get in the car. I�d hug you and tell you I love you, hug grandma and tell her I love her and we�d leave. It�d be your 78th birthday and you�d be here.

But you�re not here this year, and you weren�t here last year. And it�s hard to accept that instead of visiting you at your house we had to visit you at your grave in the cemetery. It�s hard to clean the dirt off your tombstone and put flowers on your grave. But I�m glad you�re not in any pain anymore, even though you did your best to hide all the things you felt when the cancer took over your body.

We do these things to celebrate who you are and how much we love you. You probably were laughing at us when we couldn�t find the flower vase to put your arrangement in! Grandma asked you to keep a spot for her warm cos you�re already in Heaven. We miss you so much, and it hurts that you�re gone and I�m still waiting for you to come home. I wanted you to be there for my wedding and your great grandchildren. I wanted you here. Most of all, I miss hearing your voice, but I can hear it in my thoughts and I miss your laugh and the way you spoke. I�m glad you still visit us in dreams. I�m glad you�re still among us in spirit in your family and the legacy you left for us. Even though you�re not here you�re in the little things I find that you�re still with me. Every time I find a flower on the floor, I know it�s you.

Thank you, Grandpa, for loving us so much and wanting so much for all of us. Happy birthday. Do they serve the best cake in Heaven or what?

Love, your granddaughter,

Vicky aka Mercades