So after much anxiety and horribleness, I talked to Mike and he told me he's NOT going back to the military!!!! THAT MADE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY!!! What didn't make me happy was some of the things he'd been up to. I know that the old Mike would have kicked the new Mike's ass if he'd done those things. But whatever, c'est la viez (or however you spell it)

Then came the part where I had to tell him something medically wrong with me and it all went to hell from there and he second-guessed his decision to stay, but I reminded him he'd promised his mom he wouldn't go. And then he promised me he wouldn't go. I've been so worried that he was going to go and I'm just so relieved that he's not. I've been praying so hard that something would happen that would make him stay. So the whole thing was a success except the medical thing and I feel horrible about it.

So it's 7:33 am. I've been up since 2 at the hospital. I'm all fixed up and it turns out that what was wrong with me was almost TOTALLY different than the initial diagnosis which fills me with absolute joy and rage at the same time. Joy that what I thought was so horrible did not happen and rage that they would tell me something horrible did. WTF, these so-called 'professionals' at Kaiser can kiss my ass. As much as they've helped, they've hurt me.

I want nothing more than to go to sleep, and I'm on painkillers so it's totally do-able, but I'm racked with guilt that I told Mike one thing and another is the truth. So I'm up. And worried. And Sad. And so on. It's not my fault, I know, but I don't like giving false info.

Later on if I'm not so messed up, I'm going to go shopping for a new phone because my old one died. It doesn't recieve or send calls and I can only text on it. I looked it up and I'm qualified for an upgrade in Feburary! yay! So I'm just gonna look for now. I'm using my mom's cell for right now, it's only less than a month I have to wait. :D So if you call me and I don't answer or anything, don't think I'm being rude, it's my phone.

Maybe I can sleep now. I'll try.

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Only in my dreams can I find you again