For those of you who know what I'm talking about, yes, it's been a year. Though I had to die in order to do grow, it was worth the pain, the agony, the struggle, and the darkness I felt.

It's hard to imagine that only but a year ago, one action caused a catalyst of different events throughout what seemed the world. A year ago (for a very long time) was the darkest time of my life, the worst mental and physical pain I'd ever been through but also the metamorphesis that would change me into the woman that I am today. I never imagined that giving up something could be the one thing that made me so incredibly strong and so much wiser. God infused me with the awesome strength of the Holy Spirit, I layed down in surrender and knew I was right in the middle of God's palm. I knew what I had to do and I've made great strides and movements to make sure that I stay that way.

I cannot begin to tell you the things I've done and the things I've turned away that I used to do the opposite to. I've taken so many things into a different perspective. I've grown up a lot without loosing touch with who I really am. I've suprised myself soooooo many times!!!! Because of my new ways and such, I have really started to LIVE LIFE to it's fullest and I have avoided sooo many bad situations and things that could have really hurt me. I used to fear that I wouldn't be a "fighter", a person that would lay down and die because my will wasn't strong enough. But I prayed hard and worked just as hard to gain that strenghth and it has paid off in full. And for all my hard work, I've been fruitfully rewarded in so many ways.

How? In a few accomplishments I'll name: I earned my certificate in graphic design while working, something I NEVER, EVER thought I could accomplish, and while going through a horrendious break-up. I've been able to hold down a job for over a year, over 3 months was an accomplishment in itself! I landed my dream job at Torrid after 4 long years of trying and I accredit that to my new work ethic. I've met some really awesome kick-ass people and have been able to (most of the time, and a lot easier now) weed out the bad ones. I've kicked out dead weight that were my so-called "friends" and have learned to deal with my emotions a lot easier. Don't get me wrong, I'm still difficult to handle at times and my emotions and bad thoughts (suicide, anger, etc.) are still and always with me but I don't let them consume me as they had before. All of this while off meds, making and keeping doctor appointments, keeping an open mind to new experiences I might not have done because I was too scared, and saving up money and building CREDIT!!!! and not being crazy in debt or anything!!!! I'm living life. I'm finally living life. I'm very proud of myself.

For the first time in my life, I feel like this is who I really am and I don't have to make any apologies anymore to anyone because I'm not putting on a front, I'm not lying, I'm not trying to impress anyone. I'm telling the honest truth in everything, even the things people might not want to hear, even the things that shame me still, I let everything be known up front and I believe that's why I have the circle of family and friends that I have right now, because they respect that.

I have to give credit to the one that helped me grow. If you don't know who I'm talking about, you can probably guess. It touches me to know now I'm going the right path and he still tries to help me along the way. Although we're not the same, we still pass through eachothers lives from time to time. I can honestly hold down a conversation and be me with him, and he seems to really like the new me now. it's awesome to know that I please him now only because I know I'm pleasing myself at the same time, because I didn't do this for him at all because I never thought he'd still be in my life. But I am greatful everyday that we still have somewhat of a strange relationship but it works for us and I cherish it greatly. And more importantly, I know God is more pleased with me than who I was. I still falter, I still make mistakes, I still make questionable choices, but I know now it's because that's who I am, I'm HUMAN, I'm not taking extreamly stupid risks, and I'm taking better care of myself.

It's been a year, yet it's been forever since I started typing. :)

Take care.

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you were my lesson I had to learn