It barely dawned on me that I haven't slept in my own bed in three nights. It's better for me to keep away from the house right now unless I have business right now, I can't explain why but it is. And I've been very grateful to all my friends who've let me stay over.

Saturday, after church, I went down Tako's. He showed me all the cool ties he got 50% off at the thrift store, lucky! We went down Cyrene's to hang out with her and her friends. It was a lot of fun drinking some, smoking hookah, talking to everyone and joking around. I hadn't seen her friend Cat in a year, she's such a cool chicky! It was a full house inside with Cyrene's bro's friend and outside with us. I was really happy to be out and mingling. When we came home, we passed out though I didn't really sleep cos I was freezing and my head was swimming with things to do. In the morning, we watched Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law for a few hours, that show is crazy random funny but since I've been such an emo child lately the scenes in court and having a visitation got to me though I didn't want them to. It was crazy windy when I left and I was wearing a skirt, not good when I also had to pump gas. >.<

I went to visit Saul, the little girl I was playing with last week saw me and showed me her new plastic ring, it made me laugh so hard on the inside cos I remembered her looking at my rings last time. Awesome stuff. When Saul and I were finally face to face, we were both so emo. Since Thursday he's been trying to contact me on the phone and I couldn't talk cos I had no money on my card so it was a relieve and a release to see each other. Lots of tears, lots of uncertainty as far as the prelims are concerned. *sigh* I cried on the way home like I do. When I came home, I was majorly irritated but made the bean dip for the Super Bowl Nom-A-Thon which everyone seemed to like. I fell asleep watching the Super Bowl right before the half time show.

After a nap, Kevin Le Tigre invited me over to hang out. even though I felt gross and puked before I left, I went. We watched Nickelodeon, then popped in Wall-E. We both hadn't seen it and damn nearly cried at some parts, it was an overload of cute and heartbreak. Then we finally saw the last 30 minutes of Sweeny Todd, we'd been meaning to see it since he lived in his old house!!! He played WoW while I slept. In the morning we made pancakes and sat at his table talking. We usually eat in front of the TV so it was really nice to talk to him. I left around noon cos I was supposed to hang out with Albard but he wasn't home.

I came home and my friend Kevin C. invited me to come over cos he was going to the beach the next day to paint. Before that I dropped by JuJu's to give her something she bought from me. We chatted, watched her crazy cats play in the yard. :) I really want to have a shindig for my high school buds! I didn't realize how far West LA was from my house but it was an adventure getting there! We ate at Norms, talked some, watched some Fresh Prince and Adult Swim cartoons. We talked a lot; he's a video game programmer, artistic and he's really soft spoken and sweet. I like his humor and quiet nature, hanging with him was a nice change of pace and I enjoyed myself. He was a very gracious host. I had a dream that a bunch of my friends were at a hotel pool at night, and I was talking to Kevin C. in the pool, I think I was throwing the party. The lights were on and the water was wavey, it was really beautiful. It was dark outside and the pool was lit up a brilliant blue/green colour. We were going to leave. Then I passed by a really small jacuzzi and Mike was in there, his hair was really long, dark, coarse and crazy looking, it grew as I was talking to him. He said something like I was too good to talk to him anymore and I saw across from him was Saul. I saw him and recognized him but didn't really react. We talked and he looked wide-eyed and crazy, his face and hair were wet. He was telling me about how he was out and he got out because he changed his clothes and they just let him walk out the door. I couldn't trust them though, the people who let him go, and I couldn't believe what Saul was saying, it wasn't real that he was out because I didn't want to get my hopes up at all.

We got a late start in the morning cos we slept in but we got a move on to Laguna Beach. Le Tigre called me with some discouraging news but we're still hopeful of good things to come. The beach was fantastic, the water was so nice and cool! Kevin C. painted the cliffs and rocks while I walked around and took pictures of the landscape. I've never been to that beach before or seen a beach with so much life!!! There were so many shells, urchins, crabs, rocks, seaweed and the like! That area was absolutely teaming with all kinds of interesting life, I loved watching everything, walking up and down the beach barefoot splashing water on myself. In the time it took me to walk the coast twice, Kevin C. had painted a wonderful picture! And he said he hadn't painted in 3 years! We got some iced tea at Starbucks and went back to his place. I left right after that cos I needed to pick up the mail and make dinner but I had to call the parents that I was going to be late; I spent 2 1/2 hours in mind-numbing traffic O.O but I sang my heart out on the way, singing the Evanescence version of Sally's Song off the Nightmare Revisited album always makes me cry though. I made tacos when I got home. :) I had a lot of fun getting to know Kevin C. more and had a wonderful time at the beach.

Beach pics:

Kevin C. setting up the paints



dipping my feet in the waters



the broken rock pathway



my favourite picture of the day



two shells I found, I wanted to keep them



the water was so clear and the plant life was so vast



I left the shells on the rocks, I had to...I have to learn to let things go, even if I want them, even if they're beautiful



shells and moss embossed on the rocks



examining the canvas



so far, amazing! Oh, he's a lefty!



hut on the cliffs



I don't know what this is but I thought it looked neat ^.^



I really loved this painting, it looks so amazing up-close



the painter and his work



on top of the cliffs



loving graffiti!



awe, plushy things!



before the ride home

Tomorrow, I'm going to be busy, visiting Saul and other things. I'm definitely going to need sleep early tonight, I'm tired enough, I need to add some songs to my MP3 player. I've felt so lost but I am still bursting with faith and pray to God throughout the day. I know I'll feel better once I get the letters Saul sent me and see his face tomorrow. I need to see him and look in his eyes and tell him everything I'm thinking and feeling and hear what he's thinking and feeling. I love him and it's so hard being away from him like this. I pray for resolution when it needs to happen and whatever it is that we can both cope. Ugh...it's so hard but we press on.

Tomorrow, more carrying on.

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I won't let this build up inside of me...I won't let this build up inside of me...