I like Jared. I like spending time with him. And it's nice to lay next to him and kiss him. But things seem sooooooo akward leading to that. Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for him to tell me what to do. I really don't care too much. I like him, I can tell he cares about me, but he's so weird at times, what he says and whatnot. I'm happy that he's so affectionate and caring and that he's more than happy to sacrifice what little free time he has to be with me. (Jared has work and school from 8am to about 10pm, he fell asleep tonight for a little bit when we were watching a movie) I am greatful...but I don't love him, or even care greatly about him. I care but a little bit. I like hanging with him, I like being around him but I don't think this is someone that I'm going to know in too much depth or legnth. It seriously elludes me why he wants to hang out with me so much. I'm sure he could just as easily get someone else's number and date another but he focuses on me. Why? Is he using me for affection? Is he using me right now for something? Some of the things he says, it confuses me but he makes up for it with a kiss and it just doesn't rub me the right way. Dunno, I like that I've met him, I like how he's into me and everything, but anything more than this is definetly out of the question. Definetly. I can't be a girlfriend to this guy. We're just hanging out. I hope he won't ask me to be his girlfriend or anything like that but with the way things are going, I don't think he'll want to. This is what I need; to know what I want and be strong in that. This is what I need.
I'm also kind of holding out for something. But I have it in my mind not to happen. It's hard but this is what I need. Even if I didn't have that on my mind, I would still feel the way I feel.

I'm gone now. bai.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i didn't get what i wanted; i want the people to know this