I feel like nothing, so sad, so small, so ignored.

I feel like if I died right now, no one would care.

Why? Because that's how I fucking feel, that's why.

And if you say one word about how I shouldn't feel that way, then I say this to you:

Would you rather me do it for real?

No, this is not a step backwards.

A step backwards would be me actually hurting myself or doing what I want to.

I don't want to do that.

I just feel so lost without him...

He helped me so much, and now he's drained

I understand why he did it

And I really don't want to be with him right now.

I really don't! I'm not ready! I'm not finished doing what I need to do yet.

I just wish part of him still saw me the way he used to, especially now that I'm the girl he's always wanted me to be.

That's all.

Maybe one day he will.

I'll wait.

Until then...

This is how I feel...