Here's the First Part:

So I'm in the back getting ready to clock out and who should Mike would appear, clean-shaven and without braces. madness. We talked briefly while i was on the floor, but then he followed me out when I left. We chatted and it turns out he's NOT getting married now, for reasons best left to him and his ex. I knew this was going to happen, because so many people told me so many bad things about her. But I was really hoping for him to move on happily with his life because I'm happy. But God has a different plan for him and his ideal happiness. He might re-enlist with the Marines pretty soon, which I hope to God he doesn't go because I don't want ANYONE gone like that, but whatever happens...

It was weird talking to him again, seeing him, having him speak to me and whatnot. It was kind of a mind-fuck cuz I have built this huge barrier between the whole subject of Mike and it's even crazier that not maybe a month ago this man would have nothing to do with me and had a a whole new life ahead of him and now it's gone. But shit happens for a reason and life goes on. I just wanted him to be happy because he really felt like he found someone that wouldn't hurt him. Don't get me wrong, this was hard on me at first, but then I realized all the things wrong between Mike and Me and knew that this was for the absolute best. As I have in the past, I wish Mike nothing but happiness by the Grace of God.

Here's the Gratefulness Part

I'm just so fucking grateful for these past three months or so have been such a discovery and a learning experience for me. I can't believe how much farther I've gone in my life without that certain 'special' person attatched to my hip, that I can do and be who I want and what I want all by myself. And it's because I have absolutely beautiful and wonderful people all around me and sometimes it takes stuff like this to bring out who's your real true homies and who dissapear into the dust. I've found those people and it's like, OMG, I can't believe it, the cliche` is true, you know? and I've gotten so much closer to my family, even my Dad and brother!!!! I appriciate them so much more!

And because of the one man who has never left me and never will leave me and is always there, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ Almighty who without I would be absolutely NOTHING. I love Jesus, He's been my absolute rock and guide and going to church has been my lifeline. I love all my wonderful church people and those who've given me their spiritual wisdom and support, I love you all!!!!

And I've come into a real sense of who I am, of who I was and who I want to be. It took something big to get me where I am right now and I'm so very happy that I didn't repeat the past and pine over that person I lost and hope that they'd come back like I have with almost every other guy that I was with. No, I picked myself up and said, "I WANT to let this go, I WANT to move on" and let the past go away and moved forward with everything I have now. I usually get very depressed and/or suicidle in these situations, and I'm really surprised and delighted that I didn't, that God stirred up the stregnth inside of me that I needed to take care of the shit in my mind and life and get on with my life.

I've gotten to know some fucking awesome people in the process, explored my limits to their extent, and found out that I'm so much more stronger than I EVER thought i was before. I am strong, but I also know that I'm fragile and I will try my best to protect my strength and of course move on with my life as it has been. I lost myself but I found a new, untouched self and it's amazing.

Just taking the time to stop and express how grateful I am because sometimes it's things like this that happen that make you realize "Damn, life is good" and it may have come through something really hard, difficult and painful but it happened and you're the one that's living life how you need to live it.

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Gratefulness, Gratefulness, Is what I long for
Gratefulness, is what I need
Gratefulness, Gratefulness, is what You want for me

Take my heart, and form it
Take my life, and transform it
Take my will, and conform it
To Yours, To Yours, Oh, Lord