I used to feel like the peice to complete anything; the fun little dash that makes everything a little bit better.

I don't feel like that way anymore. I feel misplaced. *sigh*

A bit abandoned. Maybe I never really fit in at all.

I'm too damn nice. No more. No fucking more.

I give of myself until my veins are dry. I give until I'm empty. And I still give some more. No matter what. Well, guess what? There's nothing left anymore. Don't ask anymore. What you get is what you get. I'm not going the extra mile anymore. I just keep putting the knife closer to my heart to give to you and I'm getting used up.

Damn my chimo moments.

Feeling anxious/sad/drespressed/confused/abandoned/used/angry/drained/defeated/alone/abused and so forth.

I'll get over it. I just need to get used to things the way they are now. trust me. I need to change my heart, re-arrange the places some people were before. Shift the chambers a little smaller so it doesn't hurt so much when people retreat or try to hurt me.

Mike helped make me so much stronger, if it wern't for him I'd be dying right now and not seeing how ridiculous it would be to die over this. For all the pain and hurt I went through, I walked away stronger than I could have ever EVER hoped to be. I never thought I'd be alright the way I am and all along I was ment to be this strong. But I'm also as fragile as an eggshell in this strength. I'm glad to find my balance.

I'm drawing a heart in the sand. The left side first. Always the left side first. So in case the waves wash it away, at least it wasn't complete and the important part.

Feeling really down. I'll get over it, don't worry, I go through this from time to time. And a lot of things have happened recently to make me feel this way. But I'm taking it in stride, keeping my head up high, I just need to unload some emotions. I'm so tired and upset and tired of feeling upset. Thank GOD I have a free day tomorrow.

Waiting for Vidal to call me to hang out, maybe. Hung out with him and Abel a little bit earlier. It feels good to have someone pay attention to me the way that he does. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not going for anything more. I just like attention now and then. Don't think I'm going out after this but we'll see what happens.

Talking to Tak helps a lot. He's helped me a lot. He's my lil helper gummi bear who loves me so. And I love him, too. He might go back to Alaska. My phantom heart goes where he goes. My phantom heart is tangible now, but it has it's moments of phasing in and out. He'll have me soon enough. Just have to re-arrange...

Listening to Modern Love by Starlit. Over and over again. Share my joy:
http://www.myspace.com/starlit

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Never gonna fall for Modern Love