I am a irrational, moody bitch.

I woke up and I was angry. I was having rapid, intense mood swings like never before today. I couldn't believe it. I was getting angry at practically nothing, so much that I could feel my face getting hot. But I got in a better mood once I had people to talk to. And a cute boy sat next to me during my break. :p LOL I think I may need people right now, which is weird because I don't feel like being social or anything.

I'm pretty sure this is just my sub-conscience way of getting over things right now but I've never had this strong of an anger reaction to anything. It might be that I'm close to my monthly hello. Or that it's not going to come...I don't want to think about that possibility right now, it's crossed my mind but it's not possible I don't think right now. oi.

I just have to remind myself that what I'm going through right now is going to pass, that life will go on and that this isn't worth any of the hyperactive emotions I'm feeling. I will not let something this insignificant rule me. I will not let this control me. This is small in the grand scheme of things. Things got fucked up and they cannot be fixed anymore and that's that. This is not the first time it happened, it may not be the last, but it will go away. I cannot let this hinder me in any way in my goals or my life. I may slow down, but I will not stop.

I hope in the future that I do not care as much and I can actually face this head-on and not be affected. I've done it in other instances that I never thought possible so I know, for sure, it can be done. And will be done. I pray for God's will on this, that He may take this and do what needs to be done with it because I haven't been too spiritually focused and I need His guidance. Call it weak, call it a waste of time, but this works for me and He gives me guidance that I use and take with me. Centering back to God has helped me a lot through the hardest of times and I'll do better to not stray too far from Him so as not to get in these situations again. But sometimes (a lot of times) I have to fall on my face in chase of something none too wholesome to realize what I left was secure and more fulfilling. He calms me so much and lifts the anger away.

I prayed to God for His will to be done, that if in the future things are different and I am challenged again that I may make the right decision. I prayed for me not to want to wait, not to want to be too involved, to let it go...I know it was expressed that my presence was wanted but it is not needed and I know I'll always be second choice so why should I be the fool that wastes her time? No more. I give my time to those who want it, I give my all to those who seem to need it and I was mislead in thinking that both were needed of me when it was just to pass the time while something else came along. Oh well. It gives me comfort to know that he doesn't really know better, a lot of learning still needs to be going on. I'm still present in friend form but I doubt that I'll be called upon anymore. I'll see if that idea is proven wrong.

Forgive my ranting. Sometimes I'm alright with everything, then I get angry again. *sigh* I suck. Meow.

I need a drink.

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Does this look like Heaven?...