I still have nightmares about my brother coming into the house. That he's in my room and things are missing or messed up and I think to myself, "Oh, yeah, I can't just leave the door open anymore" and because of that fact it was all my fault that he did whatever he did in my room.

Last night, as I was struggling between holding in my guts, feeling achy/overall crappy all over and trying to sleep, I dreamed that my brother and I were adopted by black families. My brother was adopted by a nice older black lady and put him in commercials cos he was funny, I saw him in a few of them. Then I saw him with a really unstable white lady, she was young, thin, and beautiful but she was obviously emotionally wrecked. She was really dangerous to be around cos she was so unpredictable. I could see her in a room with wood paneling and a wooden dresser with a mirror on it. My brother passed by her in the room and she grabbed him and tried to tell him something.

Suddenly, I was outside of this beautiful two story house, it was blue with a white trim and it was snowing outside. THe house was on a slight hill and the sky was very clear. My brother pulled up in this funny little wooden car that he drove around in that was really fun to look at. We could hear one of my adopted family's members saying from in the house, "Grandpa's in the hospital!" My brother and I looked at one another in amazement and he said, "Is Grandpa alive for you, too, in this universe???" As if we knew this wasn't how things are supposed to be. But at the same time we were extremely happy Grandpa was still alive.

Then it was dark and I was at some sort of party or something, I was a lot thinner and was wearing a nice slinky black dress with a full coat in my hand. It was cold and snowy but I could not feel the cold on my legs but knew it was really bad that I wasn't dressed warm. There was a girl with glasses and long blonde hair dressed in a very pretty coat and pretty black dress, she looked like a gal I met at PMX, her name is Danielle. She was in a very nice luxury black car in front of me, getting into it because she was following me to a meet or something. I knew it was at a place were all our friends were and she had no idea where it was and it was up to me to show her. I pulled out of the driveway and drove for a little bit, then I spun out to a complete 360 degree turn but it wasn't terrifying or anything, sort of like I expected it. I drove for a little bit more but felt like I needed to pull over even though I didn't want to cos Danielle might not see me. She didn't and she drove on ahead of me, I don't know if she was mad at me or not.

When I got out of the car I was shocked to see that all 4 tires of my car where not only missing, even the rims were gone. And there was absolutely no sign of that happening when I was driving at all. When I got out of the car, I could see the highway peppered with lights along a dark stretch, very close to where my car was stopped. My adopted family came out of the house, there were 4 girls, all very beautiful. One of the girls told me, "This is what happens because you were texting and driving," and I got mad and said, "First of all, how dare you say I was texting, I had my GPS on my dashboard..." and I was very mad cos she was so sure I was texting when I know she knew I was imputing my GPS but at the same time I knew I shouldn't do that while I drive.

I knew I woke up a few times during the night cos my mind was racing trying to figure out a picture word problem or something in the dream that I couldn't comprehend at all. And I knew I kept thinking, "Oh my gosh, how am I ever going to survive having children if I can't handle how I feel right now..." I was pretty out of it.

I feel like shit still. X_X Ugh...why is my mind and my digestive tract hating me right now?