Last night I had a really bad panic attack and I don't know why. I haven't had those lately but I have noticed more than maybe around 8 times in the past three months I wake up almost right after I fall asleep and take a huge gasp of air and my heart is racing like crazy. Last night was different; I felt like I was going to die. I calmed myself down eventually, prayed and went to sleep.

Today was pretty lazy, I cooked dinner at the last minute. Scale says "Hey, fatty, you lost like 5 pounds!" squee!!! That puts me at about 205 now w00t! I made a myspace for Saul per his request. Now anyone who'd like to keep updated can on the myspace. (myspace.com/ascariath, add him if you like, I'm running it while he's away) He tried to call me today but the phones where wonky. :(

Even thought I was tired, I walked and passed the time by thinking of baby boy and girl names. ^.^ I walked to the post office where I didn't get my check yet and to the convenience store to get some water and chap stick. Boy, I needed chap stick badly. Got carded before I bought some lottery tickets!! HA! I ran into my elementary school chum Eloy who works at my school! He's always good to see. Saul called me, reflective of his past, wonder how I could "stand" him, saying he was a loser. I love my little pessimist. I talked to him, reassured him of how things that were and things in the now shape things to come and we push each other to be better. He teased that his issue of Maxim has Katy Perry in it, I said, "Oh, it has my girlfriend in it?" He says we have to share. :p I'm going to see him on Sunday, lately he's been telling me that he can't wait to see me, he sounds so cute when he says it and it makes me feel so very special. <3

I notice that Angelica likes to challenge me before a test to see if I really do know my stuff. I've been confident about my tests and then she asks me questions and I blank out. She brings out my competitive over-achiever side which I really like. I'm not in competition with Angelica but she pushes my drive to do perfect and I like that. Dang it...why does she interest me so? Not even in a sexual way (although she did dress really cute today, laid back but kinda dressy at the same time) but just she herself, she's quirky and kind of difficult to predict or understand, she exudes and projects herself without even trying and I like that so much...ARGH, my curiosity!!!

Today's test: 100% perfect! I studied my butt off! On break I ate a samich and a banana I brought cos there was no way I could fast for 15+ hours again. I feel bad because I ate a granola bar around 10 last night but it was because I hadn't eaten anything in a long time again and I would be sick this morning if I hadn't. I'll confess it but I'm sure it's understandable. Time it takes to walk around the parking lot TWICE: 10 minutes. Blargh. Break lasted long again like always so I wrote Saul a letter in class. We went over how use a measuring tape and a bar to measure height. I was having a bit of trouble with the bar so teach explained it better. I'm glad I spoke up about it. I *FINALLY* for the first time in my life know how to read and understand the measurements on a measuring tape and ruler!!! SRSLY, I'm not kidding, I'm that slow. >.< Ain't it sad? Teach stressed to us that the people to accredit the school are coming next week so we have to wear our uniforms and our hair up and be perfect. :p I can't wait to wear my new scrubbies!! :p I'll take pics, as someone has mentioned a picture. :p

I may go to unemployment freakishly early in the morning. Don't wanna but I gotta. Maybe to the library too, I want to look up some strong saint and Biblical names. I'm making shrimp stir-fry tomorrow for dinner! Maybe I can talk my dad into the buffet again? heheh, I is evil! I wanty buffet! :p I plan to go to confession, mass, and pray the rosary tomorrow, too. Come Sunday, I've made up my mind to go to the Life Teen mass and get over that feeling I had last week. Hopefully Saul has already gotten the two letters I mailed. <3

Ugh...I'm so cold lately...I'm shivering like a freakin' chihuahua...'Til tomorrow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
lost my innocence to a no good girl, scratch my
face with anvil hands, and coil my tongue around a bumblebee mouth
And I give it all back to you