*********don't look for any real hard-core sense here, you won't find it and if you do, you'll probably won't like it********
Yeah, I probably mispelled comman, but I'm too lazy to do spell-check. :p I just want to spew out some non-sensical ramplings right now. And I know I already made a post for the day, but this is my place to write! What are you gonna do about it???? Cover me in chocolate and stir me like crazy????
*sigh* I feel like everything this month has meshed together. Work, the mall, work, shoplifting, work, kissing strangers that mean nothing and everything to me, work, lusting after strangers that I know I mean nothing to, work, talking to people at work, work, being molested by ex-boyfriends, work, driving my mom around, work, you know. I'm tired all the time and I can't sleep with someone else in my bed, but at the same time, I need someone next to me while I sleep. But I don't want them there in the morning. Just until I fall asleep. Then they can leave through my window like a nice person. I want to kiss this guy that comes into the store sometimes, but I don't see him on that much of a regular basis. His last name is awesome...
My crush at work still gives me butterflies, but someone else has caught my eyes. Someone that I have more in comman with. Why do I have to like people that I know I can't have or don't want me? Why do I run away from people once I do find out that they do like me? Am I just a straight-out bitch? (PrObAbLy)
I'm thinking of changing my user name to either Permanent Mid-nite or Kiss Me Where I Hurt. Which one should I choose? I'm going to take pictures...dunno when...probably tonight...I'll put on 50 pounds of make-up to make-up for what I don't have and take altered pictures of me. I'm pretty sick right now.
I'm in a mood where all I want to do is eat everything in sight. I know it's not good for me and that I put on pounds faster that I'll ever hope to loose them. But still, I just want to eat and eat and eat. I guess it's because we just went to the market. I had a subway sandwich (a 6-inch as opposed to my usual footlong) and a burrito and a fruit roll-up and an ice-cream cone. Hehe. Shit, I'm going to be sick later.
I want to kiss someone who wants to kiss me and let it mean nothing in the morning. I want to look at someone who's looking at me and smile and let it lead on from there. Man, this CD is awesome. (MSI) Man, I have so much in comman with *****. Why can't he look at me the way he looks at *****? We have sooo much in comman...
My dream? He wanted to know my dream today. My dream is to be a published novelist and have my books be sold world-wide and be acclaimed and loved by all. But that's not going to happen without a long, hard journey and money. I need money. For a car, for publishing fees, for all that good stuff. Know anyone with a truck-load of money who doesn't know what to do with it?
God, I miss Tonzy. :'( I think about him everyday at work. I miss him lots. He'd get along with *****, too. :'( Tonzy, call me. I love you, and I miss you. When did we loose touch? It's cuz we're working now, huh? Thanks for visiting me, though. I love you, cupcake! We desperately need to contemplate the existance of Eskimoes and pick apart the world in my back yard...you bring the drinks, I'll bring the cigs. I got some cherry-flavored ones. They're pretty good.
(Psst...Mela...I love you...I think you're cute...)
*****SQUEE!!!!******
You know what I want? I want to be an object of your affection. But I'm so freaked out about that. You know why I'm so fat right now? Because I'm scared if I'm skinny again, some cock with rape me again. But I learned that no matter what, vicious deeds see no beauty in their prey, just the vulneralbility. :'( I seek men who love me, but only if they won't hurt me. :'( Why should I think that ******* won't hurt me? Why am I so attracted to ****, now? Is it because he's who I used to be? (PrObAbLy) Is it because he is who I long to be? He seems to be completely and unashamadly himself. Why can't I be like that? I want to be me, too!
And Why Do I like Hector so much? We have even less in comman, I think... I think...Why do I like all my ex-boyfriend's friends??? Have you noticed that people either really hated Napolean Dynamite or loved it? I loved it! :p Yeah...
Anyone want to go out on the town and get a tattoo with me??? Hmm??? Mom says she'll freak out. I think my dad will get me at night with the cheese grater. Ouch! Well, he did pull out my eyebrow ring when I peirced it. Ouch! :( But mommy, I want a hole in my head! Right here! (points to eyebrow) And, quite possibly here again! (points to the middle of the lower lip) and maybe here, just for fun! (points anywhere you could possibly imagine)
Moo. :( Arge. :( ANyone know what Mario Perez is up to these days? He probably already finished college. He was always the studious type.
I want to go dancing! Who's with me??? Is anyone still here anymore??? I bet not! :p Read this when you're bored or stoned. Mmm...stoned, better. God, I want a ciggy. My new cherry ones. Yum...Melindy would appriciate my cigs. You know who's a cool person to talk to if you go to my work? Mike who works in Ticket Master. He's really neat! :p He likes cats, too. And he's very pale. Like paper. That's sexy.
Let's all sleep in my bed tonight! Some people may need to be squished, but we won't need blankets because we'll have body heat! Who's with me????
Oh, and in conclusion, we desperately need a disco ball at work. :)
*******Told you!!! I do not lie!!!!********