Today was too wierd. Last night Play Bro's mom called me while I was at the Edge looking for him because he went missing at an argument. (Or so I gathered) After that, his mom came to the house looking for him here to see if I'd seen him, but again, I was at the Edge meeting.

This afternoon, Play Bro calls me to see if he could crash here for the day. He was hanging out with someone (who, I will not say) and he hung out here all day. Little Bro and Jordan didn't go to school today and had some people over. (Maggot, Andrew, Luis, and Kyle) They were all drinking, even Play Bro and we were all playing Mario Cart for N64. Meh. I got to hang out with Luis. I hadn't seen that guy in a long ass time. I missed him. Maggot tried to get me to kiss him a couple of times today but I didn't go for it.

I tried to talk to Play Bro about what happened, but all he would tell me is that he got kicked out of the house by his father and his mother was looking for him everywhere. He called one of his guy friends that he always hangs out with and went to another guy friend's house to crash. His mother went all over church looking for him and so he thought that a lot of people from church knew his business. I really thought he'd be able to talk to me about this, but apparently not. I did't push it any farther than this.

Me and Play Bro went to Prayer night. He was kind of hesitant because of the whole paranoia of every one asking what happened to him. (Dude, it's not all about you!) He immidiatly talked to the first guy friend he called yesterday and I went to talk with Mela. Before he talked with his guy friend, though, he was muttering to himself about how much trouble he's in and everything. Shit. Play Bro's going to try to bunk with Phil. Whatever helps, right? What got me mad about this, too, is that it's alright for him to come into my house, drink beer, eat my food, and basically lounge around but he gives me no gratitude. He didn't once tell me thank you, but he did have the state of mind to complain to me the flaws in my house. Beggers can't be choosers, dude!

Also before prayer night started, I made the mistake of letting one of the teens rummage through my purse. He's done it before and he's the one who found my cigs a few months back and made me promise him that I'd quite smoking. He did it again today and he found the crystal meth that I'd been saving in my purse. He took it away from me and he threw it away. He had no right to go through my shit, but that's my fault for letting him. It's for the best I guess. But now I can't look him in the eye and I don't want to explain to him about it being there because it would just be a waste of air. There was no reason for that crystal meth to be there and I got caught red handed and that's my bad.

During the prayer night, my mind was somewhere else. I didn't really participate, so I didn't really get anything out of the night. Every little thing was irritating me. After the night, Play Bro went away really quick and didn't talk to me at all. My friend Mario asked what was wrong with him and I told him I didn't know because he wouldn't talk to me and I wasn't going to push him. I didn't know it, but Play Bro was crying and that's why Mario asked. Mario hung around for a while, but then went with Play Bro and Play Bro's guy friend to help talk things out. I didn't want to go home for a really long while and was thinking of walking home, but mom and the boys came to pick me up. They have a bad habit of honking the horn a lot when they want to get my attention or draw attention to themselves.

I'm really pissed off at Play Bro right now because we always talk about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Nothing's ever been taboo and now all of a sudden something's happened and he thought me close enough to use my house as a halfway house but he wouldn't talk to me about his problem. I've known him for 5 F*cking years and we've gone through almost every possible drama together, but now he shuts down. I used to think that I had Play Bro to talk to about my probs, but apparently he didn't think that of me.

I'm glad that he has his guy friends to talk to, maybe it is a strictly guy thing, I don't know. All I know is that he's acting dramatic and meloncholy and I don't know why. If I knew why maybe I wouldn't have such resentment towards him right now. I mean, I don't want to push him to tell me something he doesn't want me to know, but at the same time I thought we were really close. Shit. It's times like this you really find out who's who and what's what. I was there for him when he broke up with his long-term girlfriend, when he was having family problems, when he was having band problems, even when his uncle (who he was very close to) died, but somehow I can't help him through this? Bull shit. *sigh* Grr. It's not that I want to know, it's that I want to help and I can't help him if he won't tell me what's wrong and he won't tell me what's wrong so that's making me think that he was just using me in every way but when shit hits the fan I'm shit out of luck.

I'm also pissed because I realized today in Prayer group that I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. I realized this before but I truley found out today. I have been having problems too, but when I want to talk about them with my "friends", there's no one for me to talk to. I'm always the one that other people come to with problems, but when it's my turn, I have no one. And if I try to bring it up, here's the conversation:

Me:"I'm so frustrated right now"

Them:"It'll be alright. Don't worry"

It's a very vague and irritating way to talk to someone when they need to talk to someone. Ugh. I'm so frustrated. How come I don't have anyone to talk to when I'm down but everyone expects me to be their life preserve when they need help? How come every time I reach out to people they just pat me on the head and tell me it'll be alright? They don't even know what the f*cking problem is, how could they know it'll be alright?! Shit...**pissed**

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