"Sometimes I wish I can be everything you ever wanted

But then what would be left of me...?"

If I morphed into what everyone wanted of me everytime I was in a relationship, I'd be some kind of blobby mush of everyone else, some kind of horrifying chameleon of confused emotions, mixed feelings and really bad skin.

I wouldn't be me.

Thank God I've had the comman sense to at least stick it out as myself all these years.
I may have lost myself for a time, but I always knew who I was really deep inside.

Yum. Makes me think of pastry for some reason. But I digress.

Strawberry filling. WIth white ribbons of frosting...

Sorry. :p

I've picked up a lot from other people, but if anything, I'm much more aware of who I am and what I want that ever before, even when I thought I knew, I knew SHIT compared to what I know now. That's the beauty of aging and garnering wisdom.

I'm also now aware of the fact that I never went on with killing myself when I wanted to. Really wanted to. Even attempted to. I never did. And I never want to. I feel like cutting myself a lot sometimes. It's something that'll never leave. Even as a child, I would bite myself to the point of almost drawing blood when I was stressed or scared. I didn't learn it from a friend or see it on TV, I would harm myself on my own insticts. I would love to keep that fantasy that cutting myself would help, but I know so much better now.

(I can get tattoos now LOL ) But seriously, I know better.

God, why am I writing all of this? Didn't I just post something not but half and hour ago? Jeez...

This will be great for the grandkids to read later on. LMAO!!!!

I'm just glad I picked up what I liked and threw away the rest.

Again, change is fucking awesome.

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the anti-hero is the one you'll actually be rooting for