This week was pretty weird, school was tense and dramatic on Thursday. We're still waiting to see if our school will close, it's way stressful and horrible. I'm frustrated about it but what can I do. FUCK. I saw Saul three days in a row and it was beautiful and wonderful, I couldn't have asked for a more special time in my day, I love him so much. We're so awesome together, I know in my heart we found our soul mates and we're going to be really happy despite the long journey we have ahead of each other. He brought up living together, but I can't see that happening. I want to establish my independence before I know I can be with someone else and it will be too easy to fall into temptation living together. We're very much on the same boat being celibate and wanting to do everything right before we get married. <3 It's so special that he is doing all this for me, he loves me and wants to make me happy and is so good to me. Today was our last visit until next week, he may get transferred between then but I know we had a great visit these past few days and we're secure in how we feel about each other and what we want. I love my Sauli. <3 He got my letters today, all he could say was "Wow" in a good way about them, he likes what I write and I LOVE it when he writes to me, each time I see his letters in my post box, I feel so very happy. His letters make me cry cos I miss him so much and I never knew how much love was in him for me to share himself like this with me. He's never asked me to compromise myself for him or change who I was inside. He only wants me to improve on what I want and not do anything that will hurt him or myself, who am I to not give that to him? I love him so much. I miss him so much. I had a dream this morning that the lower inner part of my gum line was coming off in a thick chunk and I had to rip off the part it was hanging on, it was so nasty and I was freaking out but my mom was insistant that we walk around this swap meet type place that had moving sand art (WTF?) and then I found a large, visible cavity on my lower right tooth. >.< I'm under a lot of stress. I was going to the Opeth concert but I REALLY didn't want to go, especially alone so I was going to go over there and try to hawk my ticket but I was like f*ck it, I'm staying in the area, whatever. I made meatloaf today, the first time in 4 years. I got SEVERE food poisoning then from my own meatloaf so that's why I hadn't made it since. I put too much ground clove in it. Rawr. The guy redoing my bathroom has been doing a GREAT job!!! That guy is making it look super nice! My brother is stupid like always, my parents do nothing. I'm starting to respect them less which SUCKS cos they're my parents but I don't see them parenting their animal. I respect them and do well in school, help around the house, etc. etc. but they ALWAYS tell me not to do certain things cos I'll aggravate their child who so lovingly fucks them over every chance they get. It's frustrating that I don't have a voice, don't have a say, everything revolves around that disgrace of a child and I'M in the fucking wrong for doing what I want to do, if I want to bring friends over, if I want to do something I have every right to?! Fuck that. I'm going to apply at the insurance company near walmart to see if I can make some cash there. I went to Walmart, got some stuffs, ran into Le Tigre, I don't know why I was surprised to see him there LOL Talked to Albard. Hung out with someone I knew but don't know now. This is the second night in a row someone has told me they should have stayed with me when they had the change or wanted to be with me now. It's a mind trip to no end. We'd gone separate ways for one reason or another, I can't see myself going back to anyone who didn't want me for one reason or another, even if things are different. Maybe they weren't right then for a reason, now may be different but I'm different too. It's so strange. So strange. I like my boundaries and the limits I set for myself when interacting with people, it's when they break those boundaries where I don't stand for it anymore. I drank a cup of absinthe tonight, btw, and I feel NOTHING. I might as well have been drinking water. >.< I listened to the songs Man Next Door by Massive Attack and a cover of Sade`'s No Ordinary Love done by Deftones. Pppprrrrrrrrr <333333 I've been hanging with Matt more, I scared him when I randomly showed up at his house when he wasn't expecting me. I couldn't be much of a stalker if I told him when I was coming, then, would I? LOL We hung out again, listening to more of the music he's into, talking about anything and everything. It's hard for me to find good people like this, we're fast becoming very good friends, I'm very blessed for this new old friendship. :) It means a lot to me to have sound, awesome friends. I also went to Hot Topic today, got two new nice shirts, and a beautiful necklace. I wanted to get a totally cute Hello Kitty top and a Hello Kitty lunchbox but I needed to save my funds until next week. I need to stay stingy with my money. Party tomorrow, I don't think I'm going to party too hardy, lest I back peddle into my usual routine of getting drunk, waking up and remembering/hearing about things I'd done or where done to me later. Fuck that. I need to take responsibility for my actions and well being, I don't want to be the girl everyone has to look out after anymore. It's dumb and I'm tired of empty, meaningless interactions. I want genuine interactions with my good friends and maybe some new people, people of substance. Rawr. I'm angry right now. I have every right to blame it on 'that time of the month'. Cos that's what it is. And I'm angry in general I suppose LOL yeah. Here's to tomorrow! I have to dye my hair and stuff, I want to look cute tomorrow. :3 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Give me a cheeseburger