After I got home, I got a call from the girlfriend of one of my friends who recently died asking if I could come to her funeral tomorrow. (which is today) I told her I didn't think I could make it because of work but she (and the mom of the girl who died) insisted over the phone that I come, that it would mean a lot to them. I thought I'd missed it since she died a while ago but she explained that the corner had a hard time finding an exact cause of death because it wasn't what we initially thought it was, it was much worse.

I called out of work on bereavement. The automated message was fucking hilariously condescending;
(cheerfully) "Please Select the reason for your absence! For an illness, press 1! For bereavement, press 2!"
(presses 2)
(cheerfully) "You have selected bereavement!"
(solemnly) "We are sorry for your loss."
I asked Assistant Manager Norma if that would count against me since it was a last moment notice and whatnot ,she said no so long as I chose bereavement. So if Assistant Manager Michelle gives me shit about it...*doesn't want to think about it*

So today I went to two funerals; the first one I actually had a hand in planning since it was someone close to me, and I initially wasn't going to attend because I didn't know how I'd react then and there in that moment but the family wanted me to say a few words since they're not very religious and didn't know anyone who could put things in that light for a eulogy. It started at 8 and was a short service and there were only 6 people there inclusive of myself.

My friend's funeral was at 10 so I hurried over and the whole time the girlfriend used my dress to wipe her tears, I'd never seen her like this so it was weird to see her emotional. Their relationship was rocky at best and I think the girlfriend's whatever attitude to all the things her girlfriend acted out on was the reason she did the things she did. I don't think Michelle (the girl who died) realized that her girlfriend wasn't uncaring, but quite the opposite; no matter what Michelle did, her girlfriend stood by her, was never angry at her but kept her feelings inside. The mom asked if I could say some words and I kept it brief because I was so angry still. I let a lot of that go when they buried her.

Now I'm home, out of my tear-stained dress, quite warm (wtf, it was freezing yesterday!!!) and talking to Gary and Tak online. Still waiting to see if the gathering is going to happen. Either way I should really take a shower, I think I'll feel better. I'm very tired from only getting 5 hours of sleep but I don't want to nap. I want to be awake and alive and enjoy life.

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if i die before you wake, i pray my memory you will not hate