Thank you for all those who have left me messages on my various blogs and phone being supportive and accepting of me. I am in the works and process of earning ALL of your trust and respect back from you. I care very deeply about all of you. Changes are happening and I hope I change as much as I plan to. I will NEVER go back to the way I was...never...

Those of you who did not take this as seriously as it is or who have left me or not wanted to accept me back, I understand. If we part now, let's not say goodbyes. I can't make you stay if you can't stay. Just know that I did this to change myself to the better and I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but I'm trying now. May God Bless you in your journey.

I also send a letter to both my parents confessing to them what I have done to them, what I've lied to them about. My mother was very upset, not understand why or what the cause of this was, but we had a good talk and a good cry. (we're so emotional, us women-folk LOL) Even my dad talked to me as much as he could, as much as he has in a while. I guess this is the start of a "real" relationship with my dad. I'm not hoping for much because I don't want to get hurt, but I can try if he's trying. He even offered me advice yesterday when Mike left and he offered me lunch today. But I had already eaten and it got me so sick I started dry heaving. My throat hurts now. I told my dad the cheese might be bad, he said, "No, you're just love-sick."

I believe he's right.

Mike and I still talk, but it's hell not being with him. It hurts not being able to be with him the way it was (although I wouldn't want it the way it was; I know it could have been better). And listening to Coldplay (X&Y) is SOOoOOOooo not helping, I'm being a little chimo right now. (chiona+emo) Every song seems to be a reflection of what's going on right now. *sigh* I should turn it off, but I'm going to be crying no matter what.

One of the fruits of the Glorious mysteries in the rosaries I've been praying is Perseverance. Hopefully, I can persevere with hope. Oh, spooky thing, yesterday was the Sorrowful Mysteries in the rosary and the fruits of the mysteries are sorrow for sin, purity, courage, patience and perseverance. Everything I need and am hoping for. I can do this. I can persevere.

Well, stuff changes inside, I have to change outside, too. So, yeah, I'll see what lies in store for me. I can't wait...

Oh, and I changed some things on my myspace page. Check it out if you want to. It's the truth.

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What if there was no lie,
Nothing wrong, nothing right?
What if there was no time,
And no reason, or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side?
That you don't want me there in your life?