I had this really great boyfriend (RRLR) and I really miss him. He was everything to me, even though we dated for only about two months in the summer. I loved him with all my heart and I messed things up with him. This was three years ago and I still think about him. I didn't think it was that bad, but then last night I had a dream about him and all the good times flooded back. It kills me inside that I don't have a relationship with him anymore. Even though we occasionally talk on the phone (which is a blessing considering all I put him through) I still wonder sometimes, what if? I know that we would have eventually broken up because he moved away and everything, but I would have liked to have broken up with him under better (much better) circumstances. He was the best boyfriend I ever had, he made me things, spent time with me, was thoughtful and loving. He was so sweet. When we re-united in high school, I had a pool party and he and I just talked and talked and when it was time for him to leave, he didn't want to. He told his step-brother that night that he was in love with me. He cared about me so much and gave me his heart and soul and I gave him mine. He didn't care about what other people said about me or if I put on a few pounds or if I put on make up or anything like that. He was beautiful in so many ways and so creative and artistic. He was perfect. He stood by me as I tried to sever the ties with a long-term ex, even when I went to the metal hospital. He was there for me and loved me so much. He even lost his virginity to me, he loved me so much.

I guess I'm spilling my guts about it now because of the dream I had, and I still feel guilty about everything that happend. I'm wondering, Will I ever find someone as wonderful as he was? He was perfect and I wasn't, but he still loved me so much. He made me feel so safe and beautiful. I just wish that I hadn't ruined it...

more RRLR info: http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258/dasexfiles1b.html

http://www.geocities.com/sweet_jane258