I woke up early having gotten little sleep, my mind and body have been wracked with stress and pain. I also wrapped all the pressies for my mom last night, I LOVE wrapping pressies!!!! Mom and I went to church, it's the last week in advent which means Christmas is next week. I know it's been the season for a long time now but Christmas still snuck up on me. After stopping by Circle K for a Red Bull and danish, we picked up my dad and went to the Montebello Mall to trade in more CDs at FYE. Dad also needed a new car charger for his new cell phone.

I was tired, very tired, but I moved on. Dad always came home tired from driving all day and I never understood why until now. I have to pay close attention to the road and how my car reacts. Dad's getting better but still hurting and I don't let anyone else drive my car except me because my car is weird and you have to do certain things while you drive to keep it going okay. Grr We went to the mall and got dad's new charger but FYE wasn't buying any CDs today so I was left lugging my heavy bag full of CDs until dad insisted he carried it. We walked around the mall some, came back into town and ate at Carl's Jr. I don't eat there often or at all because I always get sick but last time I was fine so I gave it another shot. I paid later.

After coming home I wanted to sleep but instead I got started on making my gift for Kevin's Christmas pressie: a wallpaper background for his computer of Heath Ledger's Joker. I don't have money so I thought this would be a good gift. While I was making it for him, I got very sick and threw up. I blame Carl's Jr. I hadn't eaten anything else after that. The end product came out very nice though and I was quite happy with it.

I went to Kevin's and he gave me my other gift: a set of 4 double shot glasses with Amy Brown fairies on them. So cute! I made him wait in the other room while I set up the wall paper on his monitor and he liked it a lot. :) We watched Eureka 7 and talked some until he fell asleep (he looked like he hadn't slept much). I left after that to let him sleep. Mom and dad brought home with them a GIANT tin of danish butter cookies which are my absolute FAVE. Mom knows those cookies aren't gonna last!

When I got home my mind just exploded into a million pieces and I wrote Saul a very long rambling letter while I cried my little heart out, swear, I had to stop writing every other word cos I couldn't see. My mind wanders and runs away with things when I feel too much of one emotion and it's been so stressful lately and even though he told me he loves me still, I can't stop punishing myself. I'm okay now...talk to me in 5 minutes. *ssssiiiigggghhhhh*

Tomorrow I'm taking dad to the docs and we're going holiday grocery shopping. I'm making chicken quesadillas for my dad's family gathering this weekend. For Christmas I'm making a stuffed chicken casserole. I'll put up the recipe later as it is an idea in progress and I'll tell you if it comes out good or not. I'm tired but I don't know when I'm going to sleep. Saul's going to call me tomorrow. I pray I can keep my wits about me and not cry horribly on the phone. I love him so much. Very much.

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I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry