I spent the whole day with Kevin, eating soup, watching cartoon network and near the time I had to leave, it seemed like I said something wrong or something cos all of a sudden he turned really cold to me. I'm still upset about this but I've done everything I could to extend my apologies and try to make things better. I don't like to leave things bad, I like to fix things right away.

Anyway, when I got home I was grrr and my bro was already getting on my nerves, he was in a stupid mood and was talking just to hear himself talk. Mom offered to take him somewhere quickly before we went to church, I told her we'll just go tomorrow but she said no no, we'll go today. After she came back I felt better but still kinda emo. I also found a note from Tonzy saying he wanted to thank me for introducing him to Pam and that he'd explain later.

At church, we ran into Tonzy and his mom just by chance! He said I was wasting away :p and explained the note was part of a scavenger hunt Pam set up for him. Later on, Pam and Tonzy's brother and sisters showed up to church. I was better focused at church than usual, thinking to focus all my energy on God and give my worries up to Him. Lately, when I see the body and blood of Christ being consecrated I feel hurt inside and I start to cry but today was different; today I didn't feel hurt, I felt normal, a little lifted. I guess I knew that I was going to be alright, maybe more of my burdens would be lifted. I felt horrible inside that I felt like I was out of so many people's lives now, that I had no place there. I cried and prayed, praying for God's guidance, His will and His justice.

After church, Pam immediately glomped me and the girls and guys hugged me. Pam invited mom and me to eat dinner with them at Norm's. Mom was undecided but decided to come in the end. Danniel asked if I lost weight LOL We had a great dinner, talking, laughing, saying silly things. They gave Melina the kid's menue, she's like 13!!! Mom threw her bacon at me LOL and we devised an escape plan that involved all of us in a circle with knives walking out of there! We embarrassed the heck out of Tonzy when we told the waiter it was his birthday, they sang him a song and brought him some strawberry ice cream. Bad choice, considering he's lactose intolerant! >.< LOL

Pics:

Danniel was keeping the cam away from Melina and Juli! Don't delete that pic!



This, our most respectable pic! Tonzy, Spam and Tonzy's mum



The sibs! hahha Danniel was trying to look SeXy in this pic!!! hahaha!!! Danniel, Melina, Juli and the birthday boy, Tonzy



The servers singing to Tonzy with his ice cream of death!



Tonzy was honestly so very embarrassed!



Passing on the sweet, sweet goodness!

It was so VERY great to see Tonzy, Pam, Danniel, Juli and Melina, and Tonzy's mom!!! I feel so bad that we've not been in contact but I really needed that, to see them today to know I'm still a part of their lives. I miss my Pam, I missed Tonzy SO much and seeing the siblings and their mom was such a big bonus!!! I miss my friends...so much...it's important for me to maintain my core friendships right now, I feel it's a part of my life that I haven't taken great care of and I feel really awful because of that.

When we got home, there were a TON of police cars and a fire truck on our block. I turned around to go through to my house on the other side of the street. On that side there was a patrol car with a bunch of flares blocking off the street! I talked to the officer, he said he was going to move his car so we could park but we couldn't go to our house. Mom was worried, I though something happened to Jer and wasn't too surprised. When Jer answered the door, I'm sure my mom felt relieved. Turns out there was a shooting down the street from us and the cops came by a little bit ago to ask if he heard or saw anything.

So now I'm home, feeling a bit better but still a bit upset. I really wish I could have talked to Saul today, I'm not going to be able to hear from him at all until his court day probably. I'm worried but Saul is so confident in the way things will turn out I should really not worry. I'd really love for him to get out this week but I have to focus and get better for myself cos I've been neglecting myself big-time as well and I can't help other people if I can't help myself or am stable myself. *sigh*...I need to clean my room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Just for now

It's that time of year,
Leave all our hopelessnesses aside (if just for a little while)
Tears stop right here,
I know we've all had a bumpy ride (I�m secretly on your side)

How did you know?
It's what I always wanted