Today was great. I didn't see Mike all day until I saw him from across the store in his red shirt talking on his cell phone to his chick probably. I felt a rush of numbness come over me, but then it went away. It is totally best if I never see him again lest this numbness arise to something most foul, such as seething anger, which I do get from time to time. I found in myself that I actually do hate him a little, for all the lies, the secrets and the hurtful things he did. I'm trying to get that out of my heart. I don't want hate in my heart, especially for someone who's not worth the pounds of flesh he encases.

I ran into James this morning. I gave him my number two weeks ago and I thought he didn't call me and I was all :( but it turns out he DID call me, but was thrown off by my name being Mercades in the voice mail. He knows me as Vicky. And he wasn't sure what time to call me. So he gave me his number this morning and I called him in the afternoon. We talked for about an hour, he's very easy to talk to and a really cool guy to get to know. He said we should hang sometime. I'd really like that. :)

While doing my project for school I have to look at all my photos in my files for cool pictures. And I look at all the pictures of Mike and me. And I do not get sad, misty, angry, bitter or whistful. No. I usually am the type to get like that. I just enjoy that that's who he was. And that the Mike that gave me so many pictures and memories is DEAD to me now. This shell of a man that walks around in his clothes and body is what's left. And that's just fine because I didn't want it anyway. Not if it ment sacrificing who I was, what I loved or where I was going in my life. RIP, Mike, wherever you are, wherever you left yourself. You lied your last lies to me. It has ended forever. You've made your grave.

Tomorrow might really suck for me because it's payday and Mike and Liz and the kids are probably going to pick up their check together and I have to see the happy little family. I'm all but more than ready to move on but it still stings to see this still, but trust me, I'm working on letting it not phase me at all. I'm going to do my best to not acknoledge their existance and move on. I'm going to put in my two weeks notice pretty soon anyhow and I won't have to deal with all this bullshit anymore. I saw an ad for data typists and am going to persue it.

Saturday might suck, too, because we all work together, but I didn't see Mike almost at all last week, so hopefully this week will be better. Sorry I keep talking about him and this shit, but it's the only way I can get it out of me once and for all and leave it be. It's so funny because Liz told me to stop leaving my "sad little notes on myspace". Whatevers. This is MY page. I'll say whatever I damn well please.

Tuesday I'm looking forward to because I get to meet my new friend Luis and hang out with him. How cool! yay! :D He really likes me and I'm liking him. :) yay!

OK, back to school work. :p

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I was so stupid to think you actually gave a fuck