I should start with the past Monday leading to last night leading to this morning leading to this moment right now where I am writing now.

Monday, Monday, full of promises but disappointments. The frames I picked out where inferior for my prescription meaning they'd pop out if I'd had gone with them. Pshaw, I'll look some more. Non-eventful by far except for when an older Mexican man commented me saying that I was "well developed" I was running for the door.

To last night...discontent with other's lack of willingness to go out (save from Skum who did offer but at the same time didn't, I wasn't sure whether to make it out as jest or seriousness) I showered and stood home. He called for drinks. Why not? No work till mid morning almost and I'm dying to get out. What better place and face than his?

Drinks of choice: Bacardi 151 for him, Jack Daniels for me, I was feeling like Janis Joplin's less classy cousin. Jack and Coke mixes really well but not if you half and half the mix, it looses it's subtlety and makes you a whore. His drink at least you couldn't taste, mine punched you in the face soon as you had it two inches from your face. I think he'd have gagged drinking it like I did.

In popped a very humourous comedy DVD, had us rolling in laughter and we'd collapse into each other and the cat. We enjoy each other's company always, though still to this day I find myself saying and doing perplexing things. In a drunken haze, things were misinterpreted and spit out vilely, which I did make my apologies come the morning time.

Ah, the morning, up an hour before my time basking in the perfect blue sky I could see in between the blinds, the sun filling the room with light so perfectly as to use it for a catalogue shoot. Being held in ones sleep is a novelty beyond what I remembered I missed. So is the satisfaction of being taken by such loveliness but one feat at a time I suppose. And his face was asleep and I wished to God I could take a picture without disturbing him but it will be emblazoned in my memory.

I reminded myself of a decision I made long ago; even if I feel vexed that I am not good enough to be even in the same company as a person I enjoy, even if I feel inferior and that that person could do better or have a better time with someone else, I will take for granted that what the other person is telling me is true, that I am good enough and am enjoyed. I will not worry about my insecurities lest I drive someone away...again...

Maybe not enough sleep, perhaps in need of nutrition, but fully awake I dared walk into my work not knowing if I reaked of whiskey still but knowing I didn't look all too mussed up. And I was even daring enough as to wear my nose piercing in all day. Oh, the nerve! Being off a register my mind began it's millions of thoughts pouring out of every thought processor possible and to make everything all the worse, it was inventory processing day meaning nothing was to be put away, triggering my OCD, driving me up the wall. My thoughts subsided once on a register.

The new worker, Stevie, and I employed friendly conversation throughout the day as our registers were side by side. I realized later I had forgotten to bring a lunch and thought I'd have to buy something during my break. But there was a big lunch going on in the break room, free food for all! This always happens that I find free food when I cannot supply myself with any. Cheers!

I felt bad that I felt like I had eaten so much and, for the first time in around 2 months, I had not one but TWO regular colas to fill me with caffeine and sugar. At this point I knew that this day would drag out to be a lot longer than I had hoped. Come lunch time I ventured home to sleep midday, the first time I'd done so in ages. Not something I want to get back into doing, either.

Coming back from lunch was like starting a new day. I spoke in a muddled French/Irish accent all day to amuse myself. Luckily I had had wonderful customers, colourful characters, cute children and patient patrons. Like the three women that came in wearing conservative clothing and white wraps on their heads. I see them often, I know not what where they are from. And the three old women, one black, one white, one Indian (from India). Though I will always notice that children now and days know about fatty, sugary snacks way too early and beg for them like brats until their parents either give in or leave with them crying. Also, children do not say please and thank you like they used to.

The day was wonderful thanks to the laid back atmosphere and neighbor to chat with. That is until a man with an advertisement from another market came in with about 10 different fruits wanting their prices. We price match though it is an absolute pain to do so. He was not appeased when the amount came out higher than he wanted. My manager and I had to recalculate it all again, both of us showing displeasure in doing so. I wanted to tell him, "If you want the fruit at these prices, go to that market!" but I decided to let it go. He told me to keep the advertisement, I suppose just in case another customer decided to do what he'd done. I threw it away right in front of him.

So now I am home, I am going to list clothing to sell for Tak and myself. I am kicking myself for waiting for Tak to give me the descriptions because I knew in my heart of hearts he would not do it but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But he did give me a template, that I am grateful for, this will help me expedite my listings quicker, so thank you, Tak! *muah* This will get us both on the track to a little bit of extra cash. I'm glad I can trust him and care about him as much as I do still. My relationship with him (and others within recent months but especially recently, Tak) has helped me know myself a lot more and grow a lot. There's been so many people (especially men) that I've stopped seeking, speaking to, or being friends with because of mistrust or outright one-way giving on my part.

Visual overload, all day today. Things triggering sirens in my brain. Nothing to something to everything then, what a very long day it's been. Visual overload from night to day, the collage of colours and shapes don't always happen this way. A blur light the lights in a passing car at night, in a sea of textures and scents. Attracting the senses, pleasing and otherwise, all in the same time frame. Surrounded in this contemplated state, no ways to describe it but visual overload. And I wish you could see through my eyes what I saw today, how I felt today, what I felt today, but one day I'm sure you shall have your own. Visual Overload.

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Sometimes I think I'm a masochist but some days, I'm the saddist.