Yesterday was interesting pretty tiring. I woke up early to start simmering the chicken for the quesadillas I was preparing to make for Dad's family gathering. I tried to make oatmeal and FAILED MISERABLY. I fail at making oatmeal every time.

Dad started fixing up my car after we got the part we needed after two trips to Auto Zone. (we also went to the post office, I got a packet of 5 back-to-front pages of letters from Saul <3) Joey helped my dad. We still need to bleed my brakes and after that it should work. I had lunch with a friend and saw Kevin. When I came back, I started making the quesadillas and I was tired and crabby. I snapped at my mom but apologized right after. I burned my hand on the stove twice and my brother stole one of the quesadillas without asking if he could have one. I told him to leave it alone and I would make him something after I was done but he just took it and then started yelling at me, then at my mom when my mom intervened. He is no one to be yelling at me, no one. On top of that my stupid ex called him to make a drug buy. I was so pissed off and I'm so tired of him having run of this house. I cried for a long time and thought of so many irrational things. The thing that brought me back was Saul, that I knew he'd be out soon and that he loved me and didn't want me to hurt myself. I still struggle with that.

After I got out of the shower, Saul called me and he knew something was wrong, so we talked a little while. He was in a mood, too. I felt better after we talked, then I got nicely dressed to see Dad's side of the family and off we went. My aunt Martha (everyone calls her Tita) said she really liked my hair cut and colour and my little cousin Silvia said, "I like it more!" :p I talked mostly with my aunt Kathy and my uncle Fernie. Swear, all the brothers look the same except my uncle Robert. We call him the Kool-Aid man, oh yeah! hahah. Aunt Kathy gave me a really cute stocking with some body spray and candy, but she gave the little girls Hello Kitty stockings and I was like "OMG, plot to steal!" ha! It was good to most of my family there. My cousin Peaches (who lives in San Jose now with her husband and two kids) said she was glad to see me come to most of the gatherings now. We left with two huge plates of food!

I was supposed to go to a party at Dwayne's old house but I was just too tired. I was falling asleep on the way home, and it was a 15 minute ride!!! I was a lot more calmed down from earlier events and I thought I would go to sleep but instead I spent an hour straight writing a very long letter to Saul about how much turmoil I felt, how he kept me grounded and then comments on the letters he wrote to me. It felt really good to write all of that down. The more time passes, the weirder things get. Like, we have the same dreams on the same night, we write things in answer to letters we haven't gotten yet. He's kind of clairvoyant, too, and a lot of things he sees or feel come true. It's pretty freaky but awesome at the same time.

I planned to sleep in last night so I turned off my phone, I woke up early still but I went back to sleep. I slept in until 10 am, it was pretty terrific. After a pancake breakfast, mom asked me if I wanted to take a walk with her. While I was getting ready I got a surprise phone call from Saul. We talked, I was in a better mood and so was he. I miss him so much but we're both really optimistic and already planning what we're going to do after he comes out. Mom and I walked around the elementary school and back the long way. She got scared by a dog in a sweater!!! Then we went to the market. I drove my dad's truck!!!! And lived!!! Can you believe it??? O.O I got all my food and snacks for the convention. :p We had lunch at In-n-Out, came home and put away groceries. I took a nap while my mom sorted through the clothes and such to give to the thrift store.

At church we celebrated the Holy Family. Father John talked about how most families label themselves as broken and dysfunctional, and how no one's getting married anymore or baptizing their children. I want that, to get married and have children, and raise them in the church so I paid close attention to everything he said. I was glad to be there to hear it. After mass, I ran into my ghost of a Tonzy who seemed more alive than he has in recent days. Talked about going to NET again, which makes me happier than words can say. He also talked about getting the drawing I drew on his wall on a shirt. It's a scribbled on heart with cross hairs on it and the words Anti-Lust angrily scribbled on backwards on the right side. (I'm getting a tattoo of said drawing. I'll post it up later)

After church, I called Saul's mom who called Saul's dad (Juan) to give me money to put on Saul's books. I drove down there in the truck to retrieve the money and he invited me in where I talked to Juan and Saul's aunts about how he's doing, court days to come, when Saul called! Juan gave me the phone:
"Hello? Mercades?"
"Hey, what's up?"
"You're there? I'm don't believe it!"
"Yeah, I drove my dad's truck here."
"YOU DROVE YOUR DAD'S TRUCK?!"
LOL He was tripping that I was there when he called. I got to talk to him later on, too. He said "I don't know how to repay you." Those words just stuck right through me, it hit me in a way that I knew he was sincere. He said no one else ever did as much as I'm doing for him. I'm glad that I'm being helpful cos sometimes I just don't know if I am or not. His dad thanked me very much for helping me, walked me to the truck, gave me a hug. I can see where Saul gets his big heart and his persevering nature from, it's awesome.

I like my dad's truck but I'm still nervous to drive it! He'd sell mom, me and Jer before he'd get rid of that truck! :p These past few months have been really pushing me but have really brought out what I can do if I'm provoked and need to spring into action. I'm surprised at what I've accomplished but I still have a lot of work to do.

It's been a good night, I got a bonus phone call from my babe, I'm relaxed and warm, and I can't wait for next month to come with all it's uncertainty and celebrations and upsets, I'm sure.

Tomorrow: GAMBLING AT SAN MANUEL CASINO!!!w00t!!!! :D I'm so stoked!

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the cat threw me out of my room...I need a person to bug and that person is you!